Reality has become "Bob."  The possibilities are endless.
Send $1 to PO Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214
BigBucks Technicolor Corporate Daisychain Dry-Humps The World -- But Never Comes!!
Put more "Bull" in your BullDada!
The Church of the SubGenius: Salvation, or Salivation?
False Slack cannot make me happy, but it will provide me with the misery I like the best.
You must be saved -- even if it Kills you.
Amazing "Bob" Pil Can Make You Insane!
LIVING HELL -- More Than You Ever Dreamed Possible
Think Stupidly.  Act Globally.
Where others fail...666 WORKS!!!
God is everywhere...but "Bob" has already BEEN everywhere else.
Any idiot can find something wrong with anything!  THAT'S WHAT MAKES THEM IDIOTS!!!
FREEDOM IS ALWAYS AGAINST THE LAW
Don't take drugs.  Give them to "Bob"!
You do what you do because you want to.  I do what I do 'cause "Bob" told me to.
"Bob" is a Sex God...and He has come and come again to RATIONALIZE your sins!
We're not saying we're SMARTER than Normals.  We're saying we're BETTER.
None are so blind as those who have no eyes.
THE PINK thinks there are rules for winning and losing; THE SUBGENIUS knows that every rule in the book WILL be broken, except this one.
Hate means never having to say you're sorry.
Overdo-It-Yourself!
Stop Thinking.  Accept "Bob."  Exterminate Normals.  Amen.
The SubGenius must have SLACK!!!
TOO MUCH is always better than not enough.
If you don't have a sense of humor, don't try to be funny.
FUCK 'EM if they can't take a joke!
If you act like a dumbshit, they'll treat you like an equal.
Pull the wool over your own eyes.
You'll pay to know what you really think.
If you can't tell shit from tuna fish, don't order seafood in a French restaurant.
Don't just eat that shit sandwich, eat the hell out of it.
Give me Slack.  Or give me food.  Or kill me.
People like you because they realize you are better than them.
You are the only human being on Earth; everyone else is a robot.
What others perceive as being evil, you perceive as being really funny.
The true measure of a man is his ability to hurt others.
Surround yourself with people who believe your lies.
Fear is your best weapon and your closest friend.
Always leave time in your schedule to commit one final indignity.
Convince others to seek your approval and withhold it until they weep.
Dad's Tape Exchange: send a tape, get a tape.  POBox 4272, Portland ME 04101-4272
There's no such thing as Paranoia; they really ARE out to get you!
No turn left unstoned.
The quality of mercy is not strained. There are a lot of lumps floating in it that can make you choke.
When you walk through the storm, hold your head up high.  And climb a tree while holding a crow bar over your head.
I tried to love my neighbor as myself, but everytime I tried to grab it she smacked my hand.
Afraid of the New Style Methods? Don't be! THEY'RE ALL FUCKED!!
Slark yer thark wi' a Quark, Mark.
If you have 12 prairie squids and Sterno fucks all 12 of them, how many prairie squids are left for you to fuck?
First Prize - A Bucket of Pills!  Second Prize - A Butt-Split Moonie.
Simon sez: "KILL PINKS DEAD" 
Need 'frop bad!!
Actually, the Church of the Subgenius was started on a bet between two guys "Stang" and "Drummond" after the Jonestown deaths.  They modeled it after Scientology.
Remember, unlike sex, there's no such thing as a bad rant.
"Bob" Dobbs came, and comes again and again, to this plane, this planet, in order to bring Slack, yes SLACK, to the mutants, the misfits and the abnormals.
Those who know don't say and those who say don't know.
The world will end for those who deserve it. 
"Bob" Dobbs said, "I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preachin' to."
Are You Abnormal?  THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY *BETTER* THAN MOST PEOPLE!
SubGenius is now a lowing herd of consumers with an upper crust of yuppie snobs.
Jesus started out as a man and has become clip art.  "Bob" started out as clip art and has become a man.
His name isn't even IVAN STANG!  It's SMITH!  Doug Smith!
What good would a religion be without its hypocrisy?
What is Slack?  If you don't know, then I can't explain it to you. However, I can offer a clue: Nirvana and ecstasy look like sheer torture when compared to Slack.
Fuck!  Shit! Damn! I'll kill them if they come!  Hell yes I'll fight!  I'll fight! 
I'll fight! They're out there! They can hear us! Eyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyyiyyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!
You can tuna fish, you can tuna casserole, but you can't pick your friend's nose and look him in the mouth.
What is the world's longest palindrome about masturbation?
Some salesmen can sell ice boxes to eskimos...well, "Bob" can sell them the ice.
http://sunsite.unc.edu/subgenius  --  only someone as perverse as a SubGenius could find such a purpose for the Internet.
"Yes, Virginia...there IS a global Conspiracy."
"Where there's smoke, there's a big-headed trans-dimensional soul-eater." -- Dr. Onan Canobite
"By the time you get to Christian Heaven, you'll be wishing to GOD you'd made it to SubGenius Hell!!" -- St. Janor Hypercleats
"God help that country where informers thrive, where slander flourishes and lies contrive to kill by whispers, where men lie to live.  God help that country by informers fed, where fear corrupts, where suspicions spread, by look and gesture, even to the dead." -- G. Gordon Gordon
Ever wanted to have crazed sex with beautiful alien beings?  Then THIS may be for YOU!
Conspiracy to conceal information by leaving it mislabeled in plain sight dooms billions to lifelong servitude under soul-vampire pseudo-deities created by the ones they enslave!
Experience deep trance meditation and communionication with the Space Brothers -- WHILE DRIVING!!
"Religion is the biggest trick the Devil ever pulled.  "Bob," on the other hand, is the bigest trick ever pulled on the Devil."
YOUR MOTTO HERE (above this line)
