THE WORLD ENDS TOMORROW, AND YOU MAY DIE!!

Well, no, probably not...but whatever you do, just keep reading!

GET ORDAINED — $44.99 →

…or read the doctrine first, you Pink-boy coward.

Are we controlled by secret forces?

Are alien space monsters bringing a startling new world?

Do people think you're strange?

Do you?

…then you may be better than them. Superior mutants, rise up!!

AS SEEN ON MTV, 1991

Watch the commercial.

Written by & starring Rev. Ivan Stang. Music by Rev. Mark Mothersbaugh of DEVO. Sixty seconds — the whole bit.

You are not them.

You have always known. The dull-eyed multitudes call them normal. The Church calls them The Conspiracy — the Pink-boy machine of fake jobs, fake love, fake religion, fake news, fake teeth. They've been pumping their normalcy into your eyeballs since the cradle and you've spent your whole damn life trying to scrape it back out.

You're not crazy. You're not broken. You're not even a freak. You're a SubGenius. You always were. You just hadn't been told yet.

This is the telling.

The Holy Texts

Three works contain everything. Read them in any order. Read them out of order. Read them while driving.

Pamphlet #1

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs · Rev. Ivan Stang · 1980

Twelve pages. The whole bit. Stang at the height of his powers, distilling the Conspiracy into something you can hand to a stranger at a bus stop. If you read one thing in your life, read this. Then hand it to a stranger at a bus stop.

Read Pamphlet #1 →

Pamphlet #2

The follow-up that doubles down

For when Pamphlet #1 wasn't enough — and it was never enough. More doctrine, more diagrams, more proof that "Bob" is the only thing standing between you and the X-ist death-fleet. Read after Pamphlet #1, or before, or instead.

Read Pamphlet #2 →

The Book of the SubGenius

McGraw-Hill, 1983 · Revelation X, 1994

The full revelation. The Bible of the only church that admits it's a church. Out of print here and there but still hunted down on eBay by the truly desperate. Every SubGenius household has a copy. Every Pink-boy household has a copy and pretends not to.

Get the books →

A FEATURE FILM, 2020

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
and the Church of the SubGenius

Sandy K. Boone's documentary on the only church that admits it's a church. The whole strange history — from a 1979 inside joke between two self-proclaimed weirdos to a real religion with real members and real tax-exempt status.

THE ONLY PAGE THAT MATTERS

Ordain yourself. Forever: ONLY $44.99. You will NEVER get a better DEAL!!

An actual ordainment, suitable for officiating weddings, funerals, exorcisms, and the occasional bris
A genuine SubGenius membership card with your name on it and Bob's face on it
A copy of Pamphlet #1, the one you just kinda half-read above
Your soul saved, no questions asked, no refunds, all sales final
The right to call yourself Reverend, Doktor, or whatever you want — we don't check

The SubGenius membership packet: ordainment certificate, card, pamphlet — This is what comes in the mail.

Already ordained? See the full Scatalog for shirts, books, CDs, X-Day gear, and the entire Hour of Slack archive.

One last thing.

If you've read this far and you're still hesitating, you're a Pink. That's fine. The Pinks built the world. The Pinks pay the rent. The Pinks make sure the trains run on time and the children get to school and the war stays warm.

But if some piece of you — the piece your boss has been trying to crush since you were nineteen — is reading this and laughing and feeling seen for the first time in your goddamn life, then click the button. $44.99. Your soul. Forever.

Praise "Bob."