So is Papa Joe a double agent or triple agent?

From: wrongthink@aol.com (Wrongthink) Date: 07 Jul 1999 15:19:51 GMT

Okay, now I'm REALLY confused. Just when it was all beginning to make sense, the Church Leadership pulls another 180. They have the trial and they find Papa Joe guilty of Pinkness and selling out to the Conspiracy. A last minute "Clinton Pardon" threatens retaliation if Papa Joe is punished. Then they run this radio "Dok-umentary" which reveals that Papa Joe is really an agent for the ATF!

This suddenly explains a lot of PJM's behavior: Why he would call NPR to start a "Boston Massacre" panic, why he always urges the Church towards the most brutal (and criminal) action towards the public, and why he looks so much like a cop and never does drugs--- because he's undercover ATF!

We wait all weekend for the Final Solution of Papa Joe. Sunday at Midnight,
he's finally brought before the bonfire and Rev. Friday with her knife and
whips. She gets in a few licks, but just as she starts getting creative with
the butcher knife, Jesus shows up and lets the guy off with a $5 fine! And
Friday pays it for him! What gives?

I heard we were going to HANG him, or at least toss him in the fire. But after ALL the ATF evidence, they let him walk. And Friday pays the fine? I thought she lost THOUSANDS because of him, why would she lift a finger and pay another cent to help him out?

Then something Rocknar says gets me thinking. He calls Papa Joe a dumbass. Now I thought the same thing before, but when Rocknar starts calling other people stupid, that really makes me reconsider. I mean, isn't Rocknar the guy who shut down the server?

Then it hits me: Maybe Papa Joe is an agent for the ATF, but ALSO a DOUBLE agent for "Bob"- the so called 5th columnist! THAT'S why Jesus would let him go, THAT'S why Friday would pay the fine, and THAT'S why he would show up (late) to his own funneral and do such a shitty job defending himself. It all begins to make perfect sense!

Then of course, there's always a chance he's really a TRIPLE agent, pretending to work for the ATF while pretending to be a double agent for Dobbs, while really working for the ATF. Or maybe even a DOUBLE-double agent- pretending to pretend to work for the ATF while pretending to be a double agent for Dobbs while spying on the ATF whilst really working for "Bob". Or maybe even a TRIPLE-double agent...

Like I said, I'm getting all confused again.

Only one thing's for certain: If Papa Joe is a dumbass, he's either the luckiest, or the smartest dumbass there ever was...

PUNISHMENT PICTORIAL

From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <19990707111951.05696.00007461@ng-fh1.aol.com>, wrongthink@aol.com (Wrongthink) wrote:

Okay, now I'm REALLY confused.

(CUT)

Only one thing's for certain: If Papa Joe is a dumbass, he's either the luckiest, or the smartest dumbass there ever was...

Dobbs is the luckiest dumbass, so that's out. Janor is the dumbest smartass, and Stang is the luckiest smartass, with Locnar the dumbest dumbass (thus the most beloved by Dobbs among us). Papa Joe might well be the tallest dwarf or the handsomest monster, possibly the straightest drug addict or the highest teetotaller, but again, HOW WOULD WE KNOW? This church is like some monstrous microcosmic High School of Funhouse Mirrors.

My theory tends towards the simplest, i.e., Occam's Razor -- none of the SubGenii had ANY EARTHLY IDEA *WHAT* the fuck they were doing, ANY of the time, with the possible exception of Friday Jones (sweetest evil genius arch-villain), but then, Friday's half-Grey, and that's cheating.

I THOUGHT I knew what I was doing. Papa Joe no doubt thought HE knew what he was doing. Maybe even Friday was having her strings pulled by Legume as yet another layer of his great "ROCK AND STICK" souffle.

I think we are all the playthings of the gods!

From: md_archangelDINKY@hotmail.com (mykal d'archangel)

I'd rather think that he's just one of the *better dressed* dumbasses if he even is a dumbass to begin with.

m d'a ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Jesus may love you, but Satan will do you favors.' http://members.tripod.com/~Mikhaine/index.html

From: Locnar@IgLou.com (Governor Rocknar)

In article <i.stang-0707992056010001@as6-33.apk.net>, i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:

Dobbs is the luckiest dumbass, so that's out. Janor is the dumbest smartass, and Stang is the luckiest smartass, with Locnar the dumbest dumbass (thus the most beloved by Dobbs among us). Papa Joe might well be the tallest dwarf or the handsomest monster, possibly the straightest drug addict or the highest teetotaller, but again, HOW WOULD WE KNOW? This church is like some monstrous microcosmic High School of Funhouse Mirrors.

Thanks. :) I guess I HAVE to be the dumbest dumbass, to actually give Stang money. But I then think of it like this.

I could have given that $1,000 to Bob TILTON and gotten TRULY NOTHING as the result and been a REAL DUMB DUMBASS!

I could have given that $1,000 to Bob DOBBS and become a LEGEND amongst both the Yetis and Pinks alike, and be a LEGENDARY DUMBASS!

My theory tends towards the simplest, i.e., Occam's Razor -- none of the SubGenii had ANY EARTHLY IDEA *WHAT* the fuck they were doing, ANY of the time, with the possible exception of Friday Jones (sweetest evil genius arch-villain), but then, Friday's half-Grey, and that's cheating.

I THOUGHT I knew what I was doing. Papa Joe no doubt thought HE knew what he was doing. Maybe even Friday was having her strings pulled by Legume as yet another layer of his great "ROCK AND STICK" souffle.

I KNOW I had NO IDEA of what the hell I was doing. Yeah, I knew deep down what nasty creepy things LURKED in the pond. But to PROVE myself stronger than Spike Jonez, I HAD to take that Rock and Stick challenge!

I HAD to show the COURAGE to get my feet wet!

Which goes to show that courage and stupidity almost go hand in hand.

> I think we are all the playthings of the gods!

If you aren't afraid of the water, then why do you ride around on a boat?

ROCK AND STICK!

Gov. Rocknar

From: Locnar@IgLou.com (Governor Rocknar)

In article <19990707111951.05696.00007461@ng-fh1.aol.com>, wrongthink@aol.com (Wrongthink) wrote:

> Then something Rocknar says gets me thinking. He calls Papa Joe a dumbass. Now
> I thought the same thing before, but when Rocknar starts calling other people
> stupid, that really makes me reconsider. I mean, isn't Rocknar the guy
who shut
> down the server?
>

Yes, that WAS me, long ago. I admitted that I did my share of stupid shit.

But then all I did was just shut down a chat server and caused an inconvience to the Yetis wanting to chat that night.

But what Papa Joe did was practically NARC US OUT TO THE CONSPIRACY. Calling up NPR, saying it was the "Holocaustals" that caused the Columbime tragedy, implicating Friday and the Church as being "racist", getting a bunch of pink authority figures all worked up AGAINST the Church. THAT WAS TRULY STUPID!

Oh, Papa Joe showed great courage by allowing himself to be publically humiliated like he was. But has Papa Joe ever taken the rock and stick test himself? Can Papa Joe truly call himself a MAN?

Gov. Rocknar

From: decadence@subgenius.com (Sister Decadence)

Oh yes he can. PapJoe fucking RULES for taking all of that shit...the trial, potatos in the mouth, the punishment, with all it's humiliations...oh yes! PapaJoe is a SUPER man! praise him.

"Mangez ma merde."

From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <Locnar-0807991118160001@lex-ts3-27.iglou.com>, Locnar@IgLou.com (Governor Rocknar) wrote:

Oh, Papa Joe showed great courage by allowing himself to be publically humiliated like he was. But has Papa Joe ever taken the rock and stick test himself? Can Papa Joe truly call himself a MAN?

Locnar, being "thrown to the Fridays" makes your rock and stick test look like a SUNDAY BRUNCH AT THE COUNTRY CLUB.

Papa Joe's martyrdom was so extreme that it pretty much excuses him in advance for ANY SUbGenius crimes and sins for HUNDREDS OF YEARS TO COME -- which means, even though you are Governor of Sports Land and a Supreme Supervisor by virtue of your GREAT PRACTICALITY, Papa Joe could still whup the hayell outta you just with a TONGUE-LASHIN'!

From: Joy D'Veeve <loper.n0spam3r@devo.concourse.com>

mykal d'archangel wrote:

I'd rather think that he's just one of the *better dressed* dumbasses if he even is a dumbass to begin with.

Ain't he though? His hat is my new shurdurpursav.

Original file name: So is Papa Joe a double ageÉ

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