You are not crazy.
You are just not one of them.

In 1953 a drilling-equipment salesman named J.R. “Bob” Dobbs built a television out of spare parts and saw the face of God in it. God was an alien. The message was not be good. The message was sell.

Seventy years later there are books, a radio ministry running since 1985, aliens scheduled to end the world every July 5, a currency, and this — 3,511 photographs of people in a field, waiting.

First, you might want to ordain yourself. It costs $44.99 and admits it, which makes it the most honest institution you will deal with this year.

Other things you can do:

• Learn who “Bob” is, and why the quotation marks are not optional.
• Read Pamphlet #1, the 1980 tract that started it.
• Fall down a hole. There are 1,390 pages about Slack alone.
• Listen to The Hour of Slack, on the air since 1985. 522 episodes, logged.
• Look through 89 gatherings of people in a field, waiting for the saucers.
• Read The Book of the SubGenius, all of it, free.
• Or give up choosing and let “Bob” pick a page.

There is a great deal more. The menus go everywhere, and some of the corridors do not end.

Praise “Bob.”