Of Loudness Bribery

Of Loudness, Bribery & Slack (Lil's XD4 Report)

From: Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Tue, Jul 10, 2001 12:27 PM

"HUNGH...!!!" That one syllable, all evocative of our wondrous Squirting Universe, was my favorite this past XD4. For, surely this was one of the most squirt-laden X-Day Drills we have yet to throw.

And how did we do it? By doing as little as possible!

OK, there was all the trouble with securing a sound system. That was "work" in a sense, but that all happened BEFORE XD4, so I'm not counting that. What I *am* counting is the fact that it all cost us only $250--which we had more or less raised with the Loudness Fund. (And, to repeat: PRAISE General Modemac, Rev. Bevo Youngblood, St. Al, and the lovely Rev. Aunti Krist of SSUCC for their generous donations!!!)

I also count the fact that we were able to provide, in many ways, a better sounding sound system than ever before that only occupied a tiny bit of room on the stage. And it'll become clear why space is a factor as I go on.... There was SO MUCH going on that every bit of stage room proved to be VITAL, and oh-so-appreciated!

Finally, while the ACE guys running the gear were by no means "professional", I don't believe any of the bands had complaints. If anything, the quality of the gear alone meant that many SubGenius musicians who have had to deal with the murkiness of many clubs' PA systems, now had a chance to play a perfectly clear and clean show!

Audio-wise, I mean. Not "morally" or whatever you call it when some dumbass thinks sex is bad.

Now, as for what had happened on that stage:

First off, the Bulldada Auction has suddenly become a true money-maker for the Church! Not counting the $120 I bid--more later--we had raised over $250 just by selling other people's unwanted weird junk. I'm still not sure what's at cause here, but I'm certainly not going to complain. Besides, I like being an auction barker! It's especially fun when bidding wars start up, kinda like ping-pong but profitable. Sweet! Then there's the bids I had made--mostly by accident, really!--on, of all things, the very hair off of Phloighd's head and on a dream date with the luscious Sister Decadence!

In keeping with our "inversion" of events--Rupture first, then party-- ESO actually went on Friday night. Aside from waiting for certain band members to make it to Brushwood, Chas "Dances With Rockets" Smith had graciously and magnanimously decided that he wanted to give the other bands a shot at being rock stars. AND YET... Despite, or BECAUSE, of his generosity, we were treated to the BEST GODDAMN ESO CONCERT EVER!!! It was especially punctuated by ESO's new versions of the classic songs, The Doors' "The End" and the Stones' "Sympathy For The Devil". Naturally, these versions only bore a bit of a resemblance to the original, especially with Lonesome Cowboy Dave talking back to Da Debbil Hisself.

As usual, Stang decided to mount the stage and rant with ESO. This time, his only note read, "Throw comic books out". This resulted in a rather long, spirited, totally new, and UTTERLY FANTASTIC new rant on what it means to try to deny your own weirdness. Specifically, YA CAIN'T, DUMBASSES! I really hope the audio of that rant--and of the whole stage experience--turns out....

Saturday night turned out to be the big night for bands. Bliss America started out the evening's music and, despite their rock and roll image from last X-Day, were TRULY BLISSFUL this time. The drummer had eschewed the standard drum kit in favor of bongos and other hand drums, which blended well with Carter LeBlanc's languid guitar playing and singing and resulted in some deep psychedelic rock not unlike The Rain Parade, only without violins.

Then there was the return of a much reduced Number Six, led by the cutest of the Quijiboys, Mykal D'Archangel. I had originally planned to use them as my backup band, but it didn't work out that way, mostly because I found myself using most of my rant material the night before. So they instead backed up the mighty Bodhisattva Troutwaxer as he ranted on many subjects, including the dearth of Connieite material in this Church. (To which I reply: When we get around to it! I'm too busy having slack for a change to put up a Connieite webpage, damn it, mumble grumble....)

This gave a great opportunity to follow up Troutwaxer with a rant that I had been saving for the Shevival coming in early November. It was very short and was ripped off from Jim Jones, but with a few changes turned into a stirring affirmation of Connieite vigilance that had the crows agog. Although I gave longer rants Friday night, that one rantette was my, and the audience's, favorite by far.

Then, with Number Six still on the stage, Dr. Philo Drummond stepped up onto the stage with his saxophone, joined by several other musicians including Hellpope Huey and St. Al. ALL of them then proceeded to make some truly blissful Wotaning, a true crowd- and gland-pleaser.

After about 45 minutes, the jamming stopped and the musicians cleared the stage to make room for a single SubGenius musician, the great Eurotrash engineer of sound and booty, Saint N. His techno was mighty, as were the MiniTru dancers who writhed their way onto the stage for his show. Accompanied by the gorgeous Hellena Handbasket, they performed many instant SubGenius anthems, such as "Sister Connie" and "The Ultimate Bobbie". Then the mighty Phloighd, his long locks shorn off entirely and leaving him with a nearly totally bald head, climbed onto the stage and gave a long, dense SubGenius rap that will require multiple listenings to grok it all. But I did like the line he had about hoping we recorded the rap so we could make sure every line actually HAD rhymed. Jaws dropped, especially since he used NO NOTES AT ALL during his performance! Then Armand Geddyn went up onstage and ranted with a megaphone while Saint N played. That was pretty nifty in its own right. Then Hellena sang the new Saint N "theme," "Saint N's Discotheque", which had everyone dancing. All in all, Saint N provided for a great performance.

And remarkably, every rant on stage both nights was GOOD! Nay, every one was a masterpiece of inspirational Dobbsword that gave 'em ALL what-for. I think a part of this is due to this year's encouragement of bribery. All the Bobbies who were only concerned about their own slack refused to offer up anything in exchange for their shot at SubGenius ranter immortality, and so did not pollute our fair stage with their sadly limited and restricted ideas of slack. Those who realized that slack only grows as you share it, SHARED. I wanted for damned little. Even when I half-jokingly asked for bribes of 35mm film and beer, I not only got the roll of film, but a WHOLE DAMNED COOLER full of beer, courtesy of Rev. SExmortis of the NYC clench FEDCOMS. So in turn I shared all that beer with the audience, and SExmortis read a rather blissfully violent SubGenius poem that had us all whooping at the end! Bishop TwoBeans gave me a pack of cigarettes--which I also shared in turn but largely smoked to soothe my nerves at key points--and HIS rant was pretty damned good from what I recall! There was only one lad who hadn't bribed his way on stage, and even HE, the young but empassioned Rev. Alex, had a good rant to share! I'm sure he'll have some good bribes once he's old enough to buy alcohol... provided we aren't all Ruptured by then, Dobbs Unwilling.

But all this is mere TRIFLES, considering the most salient point about
XD4:

While there were moments when I was clearly stressed and not in a mood to deal with people--usually fixed by five minutes alone with a froppipe--for the most part this was THE least stressful, the most slackful and squirtful X-Day Drill I ever enjoyed! Going from camp to camp, chatting with people I only get to see once a year and wished I could see more often, damnit!... Fropping, not because it was THERE and because I was frop-starved, but because there was so much of it that I could easily frop ONLY when I felt like it! Now THAT was novel! More THEM kind pils!

And more them kind pils what made an increasing number of people think I had become a full-blown SEX GODDESS. It's not like I had unceasing carnal pleasures--that could be Antislack in its own right--but I certainly didn't find myself lacking in terms of pure flirtation and titillation, and most importantly, I GOT OFF! And I now have a couple of dates lined up, with fond memories of utter strangers and old friends alike going, "WHOA... Can I get a picture of you?!?" The sex rays alone were so intense there were a couple of moments when, from the rear, I had been confused with Sister Decadence! It didn't last long--she and I may both have dark, curly hair, pale skin, and a penchant for gothy clothes; and I had learned how to get that WIGGLE that is most important to any sex goddess' walking; but WOW. My head would explode if I didn't realize that this is only the BEGINNING!

For this has been the year when, even before XD4, I had begun to learn crucial lessons about myself, such as how to separate out love and sex. More so, I had begun to take hormone shots which have greatly accelerated the process of becoming more physically feminine. The end result is that 2001 is the year I begun to DATE, something I never was able to really enjoy before as a wretched and miserable guy. As a gal, why, life is SO much happier, and it's been relatively easy to take care of the remaining neuroses and hangups now that the gender issues are being resolved.

Hence, it was INEVITABLE that I would enjoy more slack than ever before. But I had NO IDEA just how MUCH slack I'd end up enjoying. And now we wait for XD5, and I'm already excited. I will have been on hormone shots for over a year by then, I'll be even more filled with the slack I'm due, and surely THIS time we all shall be Ruptured. And I simply can't wait.

So hello to all the SubGeniuses I got to meet and meat for the very first time, and will hopefully get to know later on! Hello to the wonderful Auntie Christian, Mistress Pisces, St. Marc (and those gorgeous metal collars of his!), the darling Hellena Handbasket, Saint N (the world's happiest non-famous rock star), Thea, TwoBeans, and probably a dozen others whose names I cannot recall without a LOT of frappie and alcohol. And while I'm at it, hails to Prostata Contata for being one of those rare SubGeniuses with whom I can have a really long conversation on a ridiculous number of topics! And thanks to m'daddy, the great Ivan Stang, and the ever-gracious and lovely Princess Wei R. Doe, for being great houseguests and travelling companions. Kisses for Sister Decadence for including me in this year's Connieite calendar and for her general encouragement and inspiration! A big wet lick for my shordurspouses, the Troutwaxers, for being gracious and for knowing ALL the good spots, if you know what I mean....

And finally, I give my eternal thanks as always to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and his lovely wife Connie, without whom I don't even want to THINK about how I would've turned out! "Bob" saved my life at a young age and made all this possible, and Connie gave me all the Hints I needed to turn the possible into STARK SCREAMING REALITY.

"Bob" makes the deal, but Connie DELIVERS.

Her Ladyship Lilith

-- =====Her Ladyship Rev Dkr St Popess Lilith von Fraumench, Esquire===== ===Prophet===Corrective Phrenologist===Supreme Commandrix===Devivor=== ==SSUCC 4739 University Way NE #1302 Seattle WA 98105 (877)=381-9354== ====Web: ssucc.ragnarokr.com = foolspress.com = mp3.com/foolspress====

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Of Loudness, Bribery & Slack

Lonesome Cowboy Dave pic by Wei

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