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Brushwood Survival Tips

From: Modemac <modemac@modemac.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Sun, Jun 10, 2001 8:44 PM animation by Friday Jones

Little Fyodor said, "I didn't think it would be so COLD!" He came to Brushwood for the first time in 1999, when we had freak weather (including tornadoes and earthquakes) and the temperature didn't drop below 60-65 degrees, even at night. But he found out last year that this was the exception and not the norm. So remember, boys and girls, when you go into the big bad wilderness at Brushwood for the End of the World, you should come PREPARED. The place has running water, hot showers, and plumbing, so that's good. But still, there are a couple of things to be aware of:

It can get cold at night, so be prepared to dress warm. Bring a blanket or sleeping bag. Bring at least one sweatshirt, sweat pants, a decent jacket, and/or a sweater. When it gets cold at night, you can wear these over or under your clothes, and you will be ready for the cold. Also remember that the dew gets very thick, and your shoes will get wet from it.

Having non-perishable, ready-to-eat food is a blessing, especially early in the morning after you've woken up and don't want to bother cooking. Sister Decadence will testify that Pop-Tarts are among the most Slackful things one can have at Brushwood: just rip open a package, and it'll tide you over until it's time for a hot meal.

This one may not apply, because the World As We Know It will END at 7:00 AM on the morning of July 5th. But I should mention that in 1999, I stayed up for the usual Saturday all night party, and on Sunday afternoon I left to drive the ten-hours, 500 mile trip home, by myself, after being awake for nearly 24 hours. I made it home safely, but it was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life and I do not recommend it to anyone. So I played it safe in 2000: I stayed an extra night and got some SLEEP. Don't leave on Sunday! Take an extra day, sleep on Sunday night, and go home on Monday. Your chances of making it home ALIVE will improve by about one thousand percent.

Other essential items: a FLASHLIGHT, an UMBRELLA, and SUNSCREEN.

--
First Online Church of "Bob"
http://www.modemac.com/
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illo by Pope Phil Monty

Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips From: andreux@jehovahatesphred.com (saint andreux)

MUCH AGREED.

Add to this:

33+ gallon garbage bag. This can be made at a moment's notice into a fine waterproof shirt if it rains.

IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT:

After two times of having the soil of Brushwood soak every bit of heat out of my body, I broke down and got an air mattress. These $30 items are HEAVEN-SENT... WELL worth the money. The last two times that I've been there with an air mattress, it's been a LOT better.

-- =================================================== saint andreux || andreux@jehovahatesphred.com po'bucker backwoods faith chapel & taco stand, inc. "would you like some possum on that there torta?" =================================================== ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips From: bear@pole.com (polar bear)

Message-ID: <bear-ya02408000R1106011232050001@news.direct.ca>

Don't forget a length of stout rope for treeing your food supplies, and whatever you do, don't be cooking bacon for breakfast! The woods are crawling with black bears.

Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips From: md_archangel@hotmail.com (mykal d'archangel)

You're also going to want to find the *biggest* jar of olives that you can. Drain the olive juice and replace it with *vodka*. Set the jar outside of your tent at night.

It'll keep the bears away.

You think I'm kiddin'?

And chop sticks. Bring chop sticks.

st m d'a
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Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)

No, folks, he's right. I tried gin last year and they still got me. Worse
yet, Legume kept dipping into it to beef up his aftershave. Use the vodka.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
A tale told by an idiot,
full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing...
...except maybe the core of *Everything*,
if the wind is right
and I have enuf NYQUIL in me, EIEIEIEI!!!
BACK, ye foul, errant Ego, BACK....~!

Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips From: Christopher Lee <clbundy@indy.net>

Folks, friends, don't worry about bacon. The Brushwood bears just want your
olives.