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Subject: Magdalen's Sexxxy Amsterdam Report and Gossip Column
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Subject: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com Date: Sun, Apr 2, 2000 12:33 PM Message-ID: <38E7766D.80F8A226@home.com>
Everyone who did not go: YOU ARE A DUMBASS! Start saving up now for next year. NOTE: events and people in this report may be vastly distorted, due to Time Control and pils. FR PHIL MONTY, DR ZAFOD MAPBOY, REV RIAN THE DETAINED, DR NATOW, ELVIS, many NEDERLAND CELEBRITIES, and OTHERS were there also, but I did not hear any gossip about them, at least not the kind you can talk about in public.
That said, the trip began with a bang at the coffeeshop Die Rokerij, which has little low stools and tables and pillows and lights that fade and then get brighter and also much of the White Widow and excellent coffee. REV EDFRED was the first MIA of the trip, never making it from the Hotel to the Rokerij, a twenty-yard distance. (It's rumoured that he took one of THEM kind pils). REV IZZO purchased and donated a large supply of exotic pipes to the party when it was discovered that no one had brought any on the airplanes. On the return to the hotel, everyone enjoyed the magnificent view afforded by the lush Garden Suite of the Renaissance Amsterdam, which has a large patio overlooking the entire city. A table in the living room was designated as the Common Table, and it was soon filled with love gifts of all types, including very expensive Scotch and Cognac, Marlboros, and snacks from NUMONET.
The official party started at 5pm at the La Canna coffeeshop, one of the few in Amsterdam that sells both liquor and hanf. You'll have to buy the video to see the look on STANG'S face when STERNO walked in! You were ALL trolled -- the great STERNO had planned to come on the field trip the whole time.
After the party, most people went to bed early (although it's rumoured that some of the men did not in fact return to their rooms, but instead went to the Red Light District with STERNO, possibly visiting the Alley of Giant Negresses). MAGDALEN, POPE BLACK, REV RIOTZ, and REV MICKEY FINN stayed up late at the local bar Diepte, open until 3 AM. (Do NOT try the "Pepper Candy Vodka"-- it is SALTY and tastes like fish oil)
By the second day of the trip, our colorful laminated name tags, with "Bob" images for men and "Connie" images for women had created a stir within the hotel, especially when we explained that we wore them because we are Famous American Comedians, like Seinfeld. Numerous anonymous gifts were soon sent up by room service, including a dish of nuts from a Mr. [Phil] Collins. Also, we were upgraded from plastic shampoo trays to porcelain ones!
The trip to the Van Gogh museum was fun as everyone learned to ride the speedy, non-polluting, extremely cheap trams. STERNO led a select group on a tour of all the skulls Van Gogh ever painted, while NU MONET and others enjoyed the fine cafeteria on the first floor.
On Tuesday the town began to stir in anticipation of the big Devival Wednesday night. The housekeeping staff at the hotel asked for signed copies of the beautiful poster designed by CRAWFORD SMITH. The coffeeshop GREY AREA declared their faith in "Bob" and offered to sponsor the devival with free smokables of all types.
The trip to the Wax Museum was freakier than all-get-out. It would be a shame to spoil the suprise for those who may attend next year, but let me just say Nepalese hash + giant animatronics + the Dalai Llama = zany SubGenius antics. STANG and PRINCESS WEI R DOE attended the event, as well as many others -- video and binaries forthcoming. The night featured many different parties, including the complete takeover of the coffeeshop Dutch Flowers, during which the SubGeniuses purchased ALL of the Nepalese Temple Balls because STERNO TOLD THEM TO!! The quote of the night was "Scooters don't make no sense" and also "If we kidnap Beck the Prince will have to come!"
The GREATEST EUROPEAN DEVIVAL EVER, and one of the best Devivals ever anywhere occurred on Wednesday, thanks to POPE DAVID LEE BLACK, the Pope of all Europe. He opened the show in a blue velvet pope robe and tall black pope hat, giving a testimonial so moving that the audience shouted with joy. STERNO ranted next, introducing the Europeans to Face Fucking Bat Sperm Antidote Pudding. CRAWFORD SMITH ranted in a super-sexxxy black outfit, his deep, twangy voice rolling over the Dutch and forcing them to submit to the Way of "Bob". The KLINGONS played, dressed as Bill and Hillary Clinton. I. VANSTANGJE ranted his nut off, filling the crowd with the fiery Spirit of Dobbs. The DUKE OF UKE was nearly crushed by the avalanche of french-cut musky-smelling panties that erupted from the crowd as he strummed his ukelele and crooned. JESUS CHRIST, dressed in a fine maroon suit and "Bob" shirt, led the audience-participation segment, while REV MARY MAGDALEN, dressed as Wonder Woman, took up a collection from the crowd. NU MONET gave his testimonial as well as a CHECK FOR THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS to the Church (PRAISE NUMONET!). REV AARON told the chilling story of the miraculous appearance of "Bob's" face on his back. VELVETEEN SLY praised "Bob" lustily also. After more Klingons and another rant by VanStangje, ONAN CANOBITE closed the show with his awesome rendition of the SubGenius Anthem. Much merchandise was sold to tourists from all nations, and two competing radio stations both demanded SubGenius interviews. It was then that NICKIE spouted the profound statement: "To the man with many destinations, everything is on the way."
Thursday was Tourist Trap/Sex Day, although many die-hard event-goers (including the official tour guides) were waaaaaay too wasted to participate, due to show's after-party which never really ended, but just sort of migrated to all the coffeeshops and bars of Amsterdam when the sun came up. By this time, the SubGenius name tags were known throughout Amsterdam, and the free drinks, frappy, pils, and sex flowed like the Amstel river to the lucky SubGenii who paid to be part of the group. After dinner, JESUS telephoned the front desk of the Renaissance with a frantic message to be hand-delivered to STANG and NICKIE DEATHCHICK: "DON'T TAKE THE OTHER HALF!!!"
That evening was POPE BLACK'S party at Cafe Le Pype, during which NICKIE, who had already taken the other half, spanked POPE BLACK'S bare ass ten times while giggling uncontrollably. MARY MAGDALEN danced with a very, very, very old Dutchman while JESUS ranted and proposed toasts, and DOC FROP and SISTER DECADENCE took pictures and laughed and laughed. That night DAN, a British friend of POPE BLACK, somehow managed to come up with $30 US, and was christened REV OILSLIDE (see p85 of the Renaissance Hotel hardcover guide to Amsterdam).
Friday was the last day, but it lasted about forty hours, due to time control. Many people spent the day shopping for souvenirs and exchanging humorous gifts with one another. The planned event was a boat tour of the city, which was attended by REV PROSTATA CANTATA, JOY D'VEEVE, THE PRINCESS, THE DUKE, CRAWFORD, JESUS, MARY, and many others. At the same time, STANG, ONAN, POPE BLACK, and VAGINA JONES took over two different radio stations and battled across the airwaves, exposing the Dutch to an incredible audio event requiring two radios and a pipe to fully experience.
There was a final, final, final, final party at Fancy Free, where REV AARON bought a huge round tropical drink that comes with skewers of fruit and two sparklers. The party moved back to the hotel after 3AM for a final effort at smoking ALL the fine products collected over the week. We harrassed room service with a huge order of sandwiches and coffee at 3:30AM for the last time. Those who had not yet seen the SHEEP on channel 16 at 3:50AM made sure to tune in. Around 5:30 the party shifted into a frenzied session of bag-packing and ticket-finding before the very very very last last last last last final party at 6:30 at the breakfast buffet in the Renaissance dining room. The food was incredible and everyone hugged everyone (some a little more tightly and rhythmically than the hotel staff was used to). Then there was one last ten-minute party in the Garden Suite before it really was time to go catch the airport shuttle and return to the Planet of the Clocks.
I've left out a number of things, including the Reichsmuseum, and the time when POPE BLACK saved the DUKE OF UKE'S life, and the time when JESUS miraculously turned red wine back into water after it had been spilled on the couch, and the time we rode motorcycles to Rotterdam, and also that ONE time, but there's just no room to talk about those things here. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com Date: Sun, Apr 2, 2000 11:28 PM Message-ID: <443ges8racdpue49vh2lp0jseaakukin6s@4ax.com>
On Sun, 02 Apr 2000 16:33:09 GMT, "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
wrote, in alt.slack:
}Everyone who did not go: YOU ARE A DUMBASS!
Fuck that noise.
I'd rather feed the cancer from within and laugh as I sit in the center of the sepsis than spend dollars I have to come back and replace after going away for a few days and pretending the shit hole I left and return to doesn't exist. No, I didn't quit my job for "Bob" in order to play make believe for a price.
I quit my job for "Bob" so people will send me plane tickets and pay me money for going to them all over the world and telling them things they want to hear that support their own ideas -- to get them to pay me to tell them what they think. AND to pay me large sums in between times to play with neat gadgets and shock people and hypnotize them and stick wires in rats branes and do all kinds of other shit I'd pay THEM to let me do, except "Bob" taught me I can make it work the other way.
I'm still where I want to be, and you're back, trying to gloat over being where you want to be again but aren't.
And *I'm* the dumbass?
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 1:24 AM Message-ID: <38E82B34.BDD6E0EA@home.com>
Unit 4 wrote:
<pessimistic attitude nastiness snipped>
And *I'm* the dumbass?
You're sure as hell the MEAN-ass. Damn, dude, you SOO need to go there and you don't even know it. It's not make believe, it's REALLY LIKE THAT, and it was wonderful and we had a wonderful time and it was worth every penny to everyone who went. It's like going to the pokemon center and getting all your slack levels refilled, so you can navigate the conspiracy game with full energy. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 12:48 PM Message-ID: <38E8CB67.72EF@succeeds.com>
Unit 4 wrote:
>
> And *I'm* the dumbass?
>
Sour grapes. But I won't rub it in. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno) Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 2:09 PM Message-ID: <sternodox-0304001309150001@pm10ppp26.aristotle.net>
In article <443ges8racdpue49vh2lp0jseaakukin6s@4ax.com>, unit4@sputum.com wrote:
> And *I'm* the dumbass?
Basically, yes.
--
M'muh!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 5:17 PM Message-ID: <982ies4vh47u4u9r0marki89ajthaslhrc@4ax.com>
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 09:48:39 -0700, nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com> wrote,
in alt.slack:
}Sour grapes. But I won't rub it in.
Of course! It'd be SO OBVIOUS if I'd just admit that I REALLY DO care so much about getting stoned that I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few thousands miles to do it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 5:18 PM Message-ID: <7j2iesgpncsdofae9ck8atfnfj37vsss6v@4ax.com>
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 13:09:15 -0500, sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno)
wrote, in alt.slack:
}In article <443ges8racdpue49vh2lp0jseaakukin6s@4ax.com>, unit4@sputum.com wrote:
}
}> And *I'm* the dumbass?
}
}Basically, yes.
Well, at least I prompted you to post something outside your formula. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: kevbob@ecsis.net (kevbob)
way to go, you broke it.
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Pope_Phil_Monty@tycho.clara.net0 (Pope Phil Monty) Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: Pope_Phil_Monty@tycho.clara.net0 Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 6:36 PM Message-ID: <memo.20000403233623.195B@mwowm.compulink.co.uk>
>->sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno) wrot:
> In article <443ges8racdpue49vh2lp0jseaakukin6s@4ax.com>, unit4@sputum.com
> wrote:
>
> > And *I'm* the dumbass?
>
> Basically, yes.
sounds about right to me.
Phather Phil Monty el-Hajj Anti-Pope of the North of England speaking for UK SubGenius Heresy. incorporating the Church of Scatology and science of DIURETICS _________________________________ "remember: If you`re not offending somebody, then you're not doing it right"
powered by /\/\\/\/<>\/\//\/\ @cix
netplace: http://home.clara.net/tycho/
and...
For the benefit of Spambots everywhere: webmaster@localhost abuse@localhost postmaster@localhost ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 12:24 AM Message-ID: <tgriesk3j5kutd4bqp42rgr9e47243b2qo@4ax.com>
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 22:37:51 GMT, kevbob@ecsis.net (kevbob) wrote, in
alt.slack:
}>formula.
}
}way to go, you broke it.
Good. Now we can use the pieces to build a statue of Janor. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno) Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 9:23 AM Message-ID: <sternodox-0404000823410001@pm14ppp104.aristotle.net>
In article <982ies4vh47u4u9r0marki89ajthaslhrc@4ax.com>, unit4@sputum.com wrote:
Of course! It'd be SO OBVIOUS if I'd just admit that I REALLY DO care so much about getting stoned that I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few thousands miles to do it.
One day, my son, I'll have to tell you about the two Australian girls, the Mercedes, and the 120 mph trip to Tilburg. Getting stoned? Well, I guess that was PART of it.
And what formula are you referring to?
- Sternodox
--
M'muh!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 10:53 AM Message-ID: <38EA01DE.58B1@subgenius.com>
I had planned to go, but I was so stoned I couldn't figure out how the doorknob worked, and couldn't get out of my house. That's the last time I smoke "ZARK" before operating a device as complex as a knob.
By the time I got the doorknob out of my ass, everyone was BACK.
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Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Unit180@SputSouth.Com Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 3:59 PM Message-ID: <c4ikeso75p059hivjvhfl7ich7n32s1qhq@4ax.com>
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 17:17:16 -0400, Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com> wrote, in
alt.slack:
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 09:48:39 -0700, nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com> wrote, in alt.slack:
}Sour grapes. But I won't rub it in.
Of course! It'd be SO OBVIOUS if I'd just admit that I REALLY DO care so much about getting stoned that I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few thousands miles to do it.
Sokay. I think some of 'em are jealous that we're happy just being. Prolly shouldn't rub in the Being Together part, too.
If it makes them feel any better, I'll admit to overwhelming hankerings to go to the British Isles again. Of course, that won't change the fact that *you* like just being here. Alas, that you can't be miserable enough to make them happy. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: SubGenius Spice <anon2166@hushmail.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 9:22 PM Message-ID: <i85lessigequ3fqa0u2jqvdfofqs03s1c5@megaHAL>
# 31 on today's alt.slack hit parade is kevbob and F.O.A.D.A. doing their
rendition of :
unit4@sputum.com (Unit 4) posted to alt.slack on Tue, 04 Apr 2000 04:24:16 GMT with Good. Now we can use the pieces to build a statue of Janor.
where will we find the pigeons?
just make sure it's just been washed and they'll find *it*.
--
SubGenius Spice
www.distributed.net
moo.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 9:42 PM Message-ID: <040420002142209498%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <38E82B34.BDD6E0EA@home.com>, Rev. Magdalen <magdalen@home.com> wrote:
It's not make believe, it's REALLY LIKE THAT, and it was wonderful and we had a wonderful time and it was worth every penny to everyone who went. It's like going to the pokemon center and getting all your slack levels refilled, so you can navigate the conspiracy game with full energy.
She speaks true!
Thanks for the Memory Replenishment, Magdalen!
Pay NO attention to these poor jealous old bumphrees, Sister.
-- Copyright 2000 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 2nd Orthodox Stangian MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected: PO Box 19355 Cleveland OH 44119 The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.: PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack / PRABOB Fax: 216-738-0150 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 10:03 PM Message-ID: <040420002203054444%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <982ies4vh47u4u9r0marki89ajthaslhrc@4ax.com>, Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com> wrote:
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 09:48:39 -0700, nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com> wrote, in alt.slack:
}Sour grapes. But I won't rub it in.
Of course! It'd be SO OBVIOUS if I'd just admit that I REALLY DO care so much about getting stoned that I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few thousands miles to do it.
I admit that I really do care so much about saving souls for "Bob" that I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few thousand miles to do it.
Yes, I'll admit to being a fanatic. For "Bob."
If my belief in that man "Bob", and my desire to convert, so offends you, sir, then perhaps you should go to where people have a more LIBERAL attitude towards SLACK, "BOB'S" WORD and the CONSPIRACY. Someplace like BACK TO THE OFFICE!! Back to the KENNEL! Back to the CEMETARY OF THE SOUL!
But I sir take my Dobbs seriously.
Dobbs said "Go and preach." I preach. He said "Go and frop." I 'Fropped. Dobbs said to me, through his Book, "Check out the Van Gogh Museum." And so I didn't exactly ARGUE with what DOBBS TOLD ME!! And Dobbs FURTHER prophesied as far back as 1982, "When you run into the Dalai Lama there, give him my regards!" WHICH I INDEED DID WHEN I MET THE DALAI LAMA THERE! ("Just getting stoned" MY EYE!!) Dobbs said unto Yours Truly, said He, "Sell my T-shirts of My Facefullness to a bunch of foreigners and give Willem de Ridder a free one!" and GOBBS I DID IT!! If that doesn't seem FUNNY ENOUGH a JOKE to you, then FUCK YA!
What I DON'T recall ol' Dobbsy saying to me was anything along the lines of "SAVE YOUR FUNDS FOR A RAINY DAY" or "DON'T USE UP TOO MUCH VACATION TIME." Nossir, I don't recall seeing those exact lines in the PreScriptures, certainly not underlined in red, anyway, not as I recall. Also not too much about "Why don't you sour off at everybody who's having fun, so as to remind them of that nasty old 5th grade teacher they're gonna feed to the robo-beasts on XXX-Day?"
IF YOU GET MY DRIFT, thank-you-very-much!!!
-- Copyright 2000 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 2nd Orthodox Stangian MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected: PO Box 19355 Cleveland OH 44119 The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.: PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack / PRABOB Fax: 216-738-0150 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com Date: Wed, Apr 5, 2000 2:23 PM Message-ID: <38EB84F7.B6F37656@home.com>
Legume wrote:
>
> By the time I got the doorknob out of my ass, everyone was BACK.
Oh so THAT'S what happened!! I tell you what, there is just one thing that I missed in Amsterdam, that made it just a little less than perfect, and that was LEGUME!! Seriously, I thought about you and Susie the whole time, going, "Damn! They would be SHITTING right now!!". Make your fanboys pay for your trip next time, or perhaps we can just charge everyone else a Legume Tax, but however it happens, you guys MUST GO next time. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Knezek" <achoo!@yahoo.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Wed, Apr 5, 2000 11:27 PM Message-ID: <38EC0429.A448E79A@yahoo.com>
Unit 4 wrote:>
I'd rather feed the cancer from within and laugh as I sit in the center of the sepsis than spend dollars I have to come back and replace after going away for a few days and pretending the shit hole I left and return to doesn't exist. No, I didn't quit my job for "Bob" in order to play make believe for a price.
Not to mention those of us who would've loved to go, but just didn't happen to have a few thousand extra dollars lying around with which to do it. If being poor makes a person a DUMBASS, then so be it. I'm a dumbass who happens to be saving my money up for a house... I'd rather own my own home and work towards long-term happiness, than go on flushing my money down the Great Rental Toilet, and blowing all my spare time and cash on short-term pleasure cruises. -- -Rev. Knezek
"We must dance like crazed weasels atop the furniture of life!" -some guy from "Alaska Men" magazine ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Look you guys, the DUMBASS part was a fucking JOKE, okay?! Fer LAFFS, get it? I DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE you're all dumbasses, but I do believe I should FUCK you if you can't take a joke. Anyway, aren't we supposed to be proudly acting like total dumbshits in the first place? But as for the not having any money thing, just remember the example of Governor Rocknar, a humble pizza-boy who saved a mere $20 every week for one year until he had a thousand dollars to give to "Bob". Surely if he can do it, anyone can. But, if you'd rather have a house, I can certainly see your point. Many others would rather have an orgy of slack. Can't we all just get along??? ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 11:35 AM Message-ID: <38ECAEDD.36B5@subgenius.com>
Rev. Magdalen wrote:
But, if you'd rather have a house, I can certainly see your point. Many others would rather have an orgy of slack. Can't we all just get along???
I would rather have an orgy of slack IN my house.
BUILD YOUR OWN AMSTERDAM!
--
Dr. K."Cortez" Legume
"My energies are much better spent teaching people to eat pork than teaching pigs to be civilized."
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Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 11:47 AM Message-ID: <38ECB18B.7CBE@subgenius.com>
Rev. Magdalen wrote:
Oh so THAT'S what happened!! I tell you what, there is just one thing that I missed in Amsterdam, that made it just a little less than perfect, and that was LEGUME!! Seriously, I thought about you and Susie the whole time, going, "Damn! They would be SHITTING right now!!". Make your fanboys pay for your trip next time, or perhaps we can just charge everyone else a Legume Tax, but however it happens, you guys MUST GO next time.
Mags, I wish to FUCK we HAD gone, but the cost would have been prohibitive for us right now. Shit, the trip for the two of us would have cost as much as we paid for our damn CAR, and when we came home we'd probably have defaulted on our mortgage.
Susi would have loved to go, she's never really been ANYWHERE. The farthest she's ever been from home is CLEVELAND. And even then, only ONCE.
It sounded like you guys had a GRAND time, and I'm jealous as 10
motherfuckers.
The Seventh Seal has been broken. While you all were cavorting in the smoky fraphouses of Amsterdam, Wild Man Legume's biggest joy was that I managed to fix my busted lawnmower.
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: kevbob@ecsis.net (kevbob)
excellent.
do you do brake work?
-- "oo ee oo ah ah twingtwang wallawalla bingbang, oo ee oo ah ah twingtwang wallawalla bingbang oh yah! oo ee oo ah ah B I N G O, oo ee oo ah ah E I E I O" Clutch ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 1:53 PM Message-ID: <060420001353298954%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <38EC0429.A448E79A@yahoo.com>, Rev. Knezek <achoo!@yahoo.com> wrote:
Not to mention those of us who would've loved to go, but just didn't happen to have a few thousand extra dollars lying around with which to do it. If being poor makes a person a DUMBASS, then so be it. I'm a dumbass who happens to be saving my money up for a house... I'd rather own my own home and work towards long-term happiness, than go on flushing my money down the Great Rental Toilet, and blowing all my spare time and cash on short-term pleasure cruises.
The little lady was not literally and angrily calling you guys dumbasses. I believe that she was speaking figuratively and teasingly. She was not seriously implying that being unable to afford a pleasure trip is a sign of low intelligence. Not being able to take a joke IS, however, a precursor to buggery. I entertain no doubts that buttplug removal is imminent, however.
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 2:06 PM Message-ID: <060420001406275740%stang@subgenius.com>
I spoke too soon; she beat me to it.
In article <38EC0945.C39DB4B3@home.com>, Rev. Magdalen <magdalen@home.com> wrote:
Look you guys, the DUMBASS part was a fucking JOKE, okay?! Fer LAFFS, get it? I DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE you're all dumbasses, but I do believe I should FUCK you if you can't take a joke. Anyway, aren't we supposed to be proudly acting like total dumbshits in the first place? But as for the not having any money thing, just remember the example of Governor Rocknar, a humble pizza-boy who saved a mere $20 every week for one year until he had a thousand dollars to give to "Bob". Surely if he can do it, anyone can. But, if you'd rather have a house, I can certainly see your point. Many others would rather have an orgy of slack. Can't we all just get along???
I could have kept $1200 instead of going to Amsterdam, and I wouldn't have been able to go at ALL if all the OTHER Doktors hadn't gone. OF COURSE it's too expensive for MANY pore SubGenii.
HOWEVER!!! The point is NOT "We Cool SubGeniuses Went and Partied." The point is, there are OTHER WORLDS, practically OTHER PLANETS out there, and some things you just can't get from book-learning and TV. TRAVEL IN GENERAL is GENERALLY good for a human of this time. It mightily well knocks you off your high horse of localcentrism no matter whether it's a GOOD trip or a BAD trip, whether it's a group or solo trip, or whether it's cheap or expensive.
When I was 19, I saved up $600 working as a furniture mover at Mayflower, and spent it on a 6 WEEK TRIP AROUND EUROPE AND NORTHERN AFRICA. That's all it cost, $600. It was fucking MISERABLE too because we had to carry everything on our backs, hitchhike, eat garbage, sleep in flea bitten hostels, get the runs, etc.etc. BUT IT WAS SURE AS HELL WORTH IT!! It gave me that all important VISCERAL SENSE that AMERICANS DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING.
A round trip ticket to anywhere on the planet is less than $500 if you
look hard.
And if you don't like your job, QUIT YOUR FUCKING JOB. If you don't like your LOCAL VIDEO RENTAL STORE, DON'T RENT VIDEOS THERE. If you don't like things -- MOVE!!! JUST FUCKING MOVE ON! Once you have done it a few times for practice, it becomes easy. And you might need it in an emergency.
Stang said, smugly, as if he knew what the fuck he was going on about.
-- Copyright 2000 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 2nd Orthodox Stangian MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected: PO Box 19355 Cleveland OH 44119 The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.: PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack / PRABOB Fax: 216-738-0150 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 2:09 PM Message-ID: <060420001409145801%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <38ECAEDD.36B5@subgenius.com>, Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
wrote:
>> BUILD YOUR OWN AMSTERDAM!
That too, by all means. But don't get it confused with the real thing or they'll throw your ass in jail for NINETY THREE YEARS. .
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 2:12 PM Message-ID: <060420001412156705%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <38ECB18B.7CBE@subgenius.com>, Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
wrote:
The Seventh Seal has been broken. While you all were cavorting in the smoky fraphouses of Amsterdam, Wild Man Legume's biggest joy was that I managed to fix my busted lawnmower.
Oh my god, I just heard on the news that lions are lying down with lambs all over the world's zoos and game preserves! THE END IS UPON US!
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 3:35 PM Message-ID: <38ECE710.72C8@subgenius.com>
I cut off my damn TOE with that lawnmower, and the seas turned to BLOOD.
I would say I got the "Cut My Toe Off With the Lawnmower Blues", but some dumbass would probably take the box off his head and SUE me.
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: ePRONO <nenslo@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: nenslo@tonyaharding.org Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 5:29 PM Message-ID: <38ED01A4.79D0@subgenius.com>
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
>
> The little lady was not literally and angrily calling you guys
> dumbasses.
Yes she was. And I'm terribly terribly hurt by it. *snif* ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 5:46 PM Message-ID: <38ED05F7.4C3DFA79@home.com>
ePRONO wrote:
>
> Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> >
> > The little lady was not literally and angrily calling you guys
> > dumbasses.
>
> Yes she was. And I'm terribly terribly hurt by it. *snif*
Would you feel better if I rub your belly? ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Doktor Tee <drcooler@earthlink.net> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 6:30 PM Message-ID: <B5127A7A.1D660%drcooler@earthlink.net>
in article 38EC0945.C39DB4B3@home.com, Rev. Magdalen at magdalen@home.com wrote on 4/5/2000 10:48 PM:
Look you guys, the DUMBASS part was a fucking JOKE, okay?! Fer LAFFS, get it? I DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE you're all dumbasses, but I do believe I should FUCK you if you can't take a joke. Anyway, aren't we supposed to be proudly acting like total dumbshits in the first place? But as for the not having any money thing, just remember the example of Governor Rocknar, a humble pizza-boy who saved a mere $20 every week for one year until he had a thousand dollars to give to "Bob". Surely if he can do it, anyone can. But, if you'd rather have a house, I can certainly see your point. Many others would rather have an orgy of slack. Can't we all just get along???
In a lot of ways I am probably somewhat of a 'bobby' in this glorius church, but partial soul salvation is better than none-know what I mean. Mary's recollection was right on and even better than the daily flashbacks and seizures I've had since returning.
To those who didn't WANT to go, yeah...you fucked up and 'probably' are dumbasses. Worse even----shortsighted, narrow minded, maggot infested DUMBASSES!!
To those who COULDN'T go, you got fucked, and may the luck plane tilt your way next year, you were sorely missed and certainly with us in our thoughts.
Mary, Yur mi nu sur-dur-per-sav. Thanks for your report.
--
---
Doktor Tee <drt@subgenius.com>
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: ePRONO <nenslo@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: nenslo@tonyaharding.org Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 7:32 PM Message-ID: <38ED1E70.7EE@subgenius.com>
Rev. Magdalen wrote:
>
> ePRONO wrote:
> >
> > Yes she was. And I'm terribly terribly hurt by it. *snif*
>
> Would you feel better if I rub your belly?
Lower.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: König PrüB, GmbH <saurkraut@weinerschnitzel.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 8:32 PM Message-ID: <seqb5muorfg81@corp.supernews.com>
Rev. Magdalen: (voce basso profundo) Would you feel better if I rub your belly? ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 8:53 PM Message-ID: <38ED317F.526A@subgenius.com>
Rev. Magdalen wrote:
> Would you feel better if I rub your belly?
That won't help Nenslo. He's been grouchy since I put my feet on his belly to drain out my Rheumatism.
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Bodhisatva Troutwaxer <tungtung@pacbell.net> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: tungtung@pacbell.net Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 2:24 AM Message-ID: <38ED7F0C.2E2F@pacbell.net>
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
And if you don't like your job, QUIT YOUR FUCKING JOB. If you don't like your LOCAL VIDEO RENTAL STORE, DON'T RENT VIDEOS THERE. If you don't like things -- MOVE!!! JUST FUCKING MOVE ON! Once you have done it a few times for practice, it becomes easy. And you might need it in an emergency.
Stang said, smugly, as if he knew what the fuck he was going on about.
Having travelled much in my youth, I second everything he said. Sometimes I think the essence of being yeti is to be able to wake up in a ditch and know that wherever you wake up, you're home.
T.
Boddhisatva Troutwaxer's Mongolian Torture Garden http://home.pacbell.net/tungtung/troutwax.html ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 2:40 AM Message-ID: <38ED82DC.7061@subgenius.com>
ePRONO wrote:
>
> Legume wrote:
> > That won't help Nenslo. He's been grouchy since I put my feet on his
> > belly to drain out my Rheumatism.
> >
>
> Outa you and inta me.
Yeah, uh, sorry about that, again. Have a Vicodin, on me. -- Dr. K."Cortez" Legume
"My energies are much better spent teaching people to eat pork than teaching pigs to be civilized."
-----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =----- http://www.newsfeeds.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! -----== Over 80,000 Newsgroups - 16 Different Servers! =----- ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Unit180@SputSouth.Com Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 3:50 PM Message-ID: <v9eseskr67m3d89egpg52smvvrik8na1qn@4ax.com>
On Tue, 04 Apr 2000 22:03:05 -0400, "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote, in alt.slack:
>IF YOU GET MY DRIFT, thank-you-very-much!!!
Oh.
So. I guess we can't spread the Word of "Bob" around here close to home, eh? The minions of "Bob" won't accept us stay-at-homes and have to make fun of us for some reason, hmmm? We are simply trying to discern what that reason might be. Usually, saying to people that they are Dumbasses for not doing something that one just did oneself is a way of *justifying* in ones own mind that whatever it was that one did was WORTH it, even if there's this annoying little discomfort about it down underneath. It was NOT WE who started with the "If you didn't do what we did, you're a dumbass" stuff.
Now personally I don't mind if people want to put me down so as to increase their own illusion of Slack, but every now and then I get into this mood where I am overwhelmed by this vicious and intolerable craving to have people treat each other with just a modicum of respect. Not just any people, even - just those that are acquainted and seem to have enough in common to be accorded mutual yetihood.
I know it has to be a really STUPID idea I get that people here in this sewer of a newsgroup would have enough honesty to admit that all this purported hate they keep trying to fester is just a sham, so they have to keep on and on an on and on being nasty as they can so nobody will suspect that somewhere underneath is a real feeling. I don't get it. Is it not the Pinks and Sheeple that are the natural targets for what passes for hate here? Are not we diluting the broth by aiming our barbs and stones at the yetikinfolk?
Oh never mind. Spose it keeps you guys off the streets. Type on.
--
"...the neurotic has problems, the psychotic has solutions."
(Thomas Szasz)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno) Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 4:13 PM Message-ID: <sternodox-0704001513080001@pm11ppp71.aristotle.net>
In article <v9eseskr67m3d89egpg52smvvrik8na1qn@4ax.com>, Unit180@SputSouth.Com wrote:
So. I guess we can't spread the Word of "Bob" around here close to home, eh? The minions of "Bob" won't accept us stay-at-homes and have to make fun of us for some reason, hmmm?
As "Bob" has said MANY times:
"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."
And as I'VE said many times:
"And believe me . . . a lot of them can't."
Now . . . do you wanna hear about my latest trip to Bolivia or not?
- Sterno
--
M'muh!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 9:03 PM Message-ID: <38EE859E.70A62137@home.com>
tarla@xtra.co.nz wrote:
>
> On Thu, 06 Apr 2000 14:09:14 -0400, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
> <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
BUILD YOUR OWN AMSTERDAM!
That too, by all means. But don't get it confused with the real thing or they'll throw your ass in jail for NINETY THREE YEARS. . Hey, when they pass this new law here, will you guys be coming down for a visit? It's much prettier here than in Amsterdammy.
What new law? How pretty? How much is dollars worth there? But the important thing is: how are the SHOES??? If the shoe-shopping is only so-so then I dunno about it. Someone told me that there are no boxer briefs there, but I guess we could bring our own.
***** "When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him." --Jonathan Swift, "Thoughts on Various Subjects, Moral and Diverting" *****
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Pope_Phil_Monty@tycho.clara.net (Pope Phil Monty) Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: Pope_Phil_Monty@tycho.clara.net Date: Sun, Apr 9, 2000 11:21 AM Message-ID: <memo.20000409162118.203A@mwowm.compulink.co.uk>
>->sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno) wrot:
>
> Now . . . do you wanna hear about my latest trip to Bolivia or not?
>
oh yus! Apparently you've found your other dick...?
Phather Phil Monty el-Hajj Anti-Pope of the North of England speaking for UK SubGenius Heresy. incorporating the Church of Scatology and science of DIURETICS _________________________________ ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN From: Sister Decadence <decadence@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Sun, Apr 9, 2000 11:35 AM Message-ID: <9k81fsgnop1pd1v3gen9rb3214cko8on06@4ax.com>
So. I guess we can't spread the Word of "Bob" around here close to home, eh? The minions of "Bob" won't accept us stay-at-homes and have to make fun of us for some reason, hmmm? We are simply trying to discern what that reason might be. Usually, saying to people that they are Dumbasses for not doing something that one just did oneself is a way of *justifying* in ones own mind that whatever it was that one did was WORTH it, even if there's this annoying little discomfort about it down underneath. It was NOT WE who started with the "If you didn't do what we did, you're a dumbass" stuff.
Jeezuz, I come home later than everyone to THIS?? Good god, saying "You're a dumbass for not going" doesn't make FUN of anyone. Can't believe people responded like this. Lighten up you fuckers and get some slack already. Or something. Frankly I didn't think you were dumbasses for not going but NOW I think you're ACTING like dumbasses. Really, you don't want to emulate humans that closely, do you? There's no attempt at "justifying" in what Magdalen wrote. We had a great time and are very happy about it. End of story, no need for pop-psychology.
Now personally I don't mind if people want to put me down so as to increase their own illusion of Slack, but every now and then I get into this mood where I am overwhelmed by this vicious and intolerable craving to have people treat each other with just a modicum of respect. Not just any people, even - just those that are acquainted and seem to have enough in common to be accorded mutual yetihood.
Boy, we have no need for illusions, we have so much Slack at this point it's welling out of our orifices. Sorry you can't accept that.
I know it has to be a really STUPID idea I get that people here in this sewer of a newsgroup would have enough honesty to admit that all this purported hate they keep trying to fester is just a sham, so they have to keep on and on an on and on being nasty as they can so nobody will suspect that somewhere underneath is a real feeling. I don't get it. Is it not the Pinks and Sheeple that are the natural targets for what passes for hate here? Are not we diluting the broth by aiming our barbs and stones at the yetikinfolk?
Excellent point. As I've said before folks, save the HATE for the HUMANS and the CONSPIRACY.
>
> Oh never mind. Spose it keeps you guys off the streets. Type on.
"Free Scotland!"
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