Hey Locnar! Where's MY grand?

From: legume@subgenius.com (Legume) Date: Sat, 10 Jul 1999 16:58:07 GMT Organization: The Leguminati

Damn, Locnar, do you have a thousand bucks stashed away for ME somewhere? It'd sure be a nice precedent if someone coughed up a fat chunk of cash for one of my never-fail manhood initiation rites. After all, Stang just gave you a couple of good laughs, while I gave you the tools (rock and stick) to beat down the doors of the lodge of manhood.

For anyone reading this who wasn't privy to the behind-the-scenes shit that went on at XX Day, I arranged one of my rites-of-passage tests for Locnar, who passed it LIKE A FUCKING TRUE VOLSUNG HERO.

In one night he went from an annoying twit to a TRUE OVERMAN who COMMANDED the respect of all of the SubGenii Alpha Males, and even that hot little sexpot Christina Bucket had to admit that Locnar had ascended the ladder of Yeti studliness.

That's GOTTA be worth a grand, AT LEAST.

Stang's been telling me for years that I should charge BIG BUCKS for that stuff, that one night of my "therapy" is more effective than YEARS of conventional mind-fuckery by those fey "professionals".

Any of you out there who may doubt the effectiveness of my methods, I have three little words for you;

JUST ASK LOCNAR.

Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Mecagum les cinc llagues de Crist, mecagum D'eu, en la creu, en el fuster que la fue i en fill de puta que va plantar el pi

From: NedWreck <nedwreck@BellSouth.net>

Shit yeah, 'Gumey, look what them $cientology guys get for an "audit". Something like a hunnert bux an hour to let some dupe hold a couple of tin cans hooked to a 10 amp battery charger.

Hmmm, I wonder, how much money it'd take to transform a port-a-john into "Legumes Excremeditation Chamber of Horrors" or something like that. Let 'em in for free, make 'em pay to get out.

Ned

From: Locnar@IgLou.com (Governor Rocknar)

Hell, I'd been saving up that grand for a whole year, $20 a week from my Conspiracy Pizza Delivery job, ever since X-Day 98.

I had to slave away tonight for $20 to start saving for the NEXT $1,000 which I intend to go toward the film project.

For anyone reading this who wasn't privy to the behind-the-scenes shit that went on at XX Day, I arranged one of my rites-of-passage tests for

Locnar, who

passed it LIKE A FUCKING TRUE VOLSUNG HERO.

Like I said when you asked me if I needed the boat to go out to Spike
Jonez Island.

"FUCK THE BOAT!"

Spike was too afraid of getting his feet wet. Spike needed a BOAT to take him to the Island and when he chickened out of the rock and stick test, he needed a boat to bring him BACK!

BTW, I'm not sure if the camcorders picked it up, but I really was aiming for something LIVING in the pond. It was a frog and from my acid-induced point of view, it had glow-in-the-dark eyes. IT HAD TO DIE! But the lil' bastard Kermit GOT AWAY from my big stick the first time I struck at it. But he DIDN'T get away the SECOND TIME!

>
> JUST ASK LOCNAR.
>

(ACTUAL TESTMONIAL - NOT AN ACTOR) I was but a lowly Bobbie until Dr. Legume helped me pull the wool over my own eyes. Now I have more fame and slack than I could EVER get in TEN LIFETIMES as an ordinary human. Dr. Legume helped me, and he can help YOU TOO! Thanks Dr. Legume! ROCK AND STICK! :)

Gov. Rocknar

--
Randolph S. Vance
Locnar@Iglou.com (Macintosh Eudora Mail)

QUOTE - "I'll watch some TV, it'll help me to RELAX!" - Ren Hoek

Original file name: Hey Locnar! Where's MY gran�

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