Sex Tales of X-Day

From: modemac@modemac.com (Modemac) Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: modemac@modemac.com Date: Fri, Jul 14, 2000 7:55 AM Message-ID: <396f1af0.318033@localhost>

Rev. Moxie's triumphant tale of how he was bagged by a Connie-ite is yet another notch in "Bob's" pipe -- and it's a testament to how, for so many of us, X-Day has truly been a life-changing eent. Not only did we party our heads off, bu many of us actually fulfilled "Bob's" Promise and really did HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH A BEAUTIFUL LIVE GIRL -- or damn near anything else!

Notable sex stories of X-Day include:

- Jesus and Magdalen. They met at X-Day. - Moxie and Mrs. Moxie. Already mentioned. - Dynasor and Lady 180's wedding. - Mr. and Mrs. Troutwaxer's wedding.

And those of us who really did meet a certain someone at X-Day...but may not want to mention it here for privacy reasons.

Any others who may be willing to come out of the closet and share their close, personal, intimate moments of X-Day?

--
First Online Church of "Bob"
http://www.modemac.com/
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Subject: Sex Tales of X-Day From: sosodada <kwpasto@attglobal.net>

XXX-Day was another great party! We had all the members there that wanted to celebrate XXX-Day in their own unique SubGenius way! The weather was just right for the SubG's: they got together and went swimming in the pool, made little macrame decorations out of pubic hair in the hot tub, and caught some rays so they would be suitably mutated before the arrival of the pleasure saucers. Other members checked out the porn store in Horseheads NY and found some beauties. Anabolic videos on sale for $15.00! Wow!

Many topics are covered in the group grope sessions and orientations, but one of the subjects is what Stang called The Hallucinogenic After-Effect Phenomenon, where you will find yourself stopped at a red light daydreaming about what you saw or did at a XXX-Day! The next thing you know you hear the cars behind you honking the horns, yelling for you to "whip it/'em out, Subbie!" The reason for this is the immediate flashback of an image that you saw at XXX-Day and you want to re-live it again. The image is so powerful that other drivers on the road can sense what you're thinking! It's a SubGenius mutant power! We know it happens because it happens to us too. There is such a delight in replaying the scenes that you have seen over and over in your head, making the people in the car behind you smell the arome of freshly toasted leather and agitated latex molecules. Now that is really what they call safe sex! But be careful driving!

The party that on Friday was a delight as always. Too bad she didn't make it. Well, perhaps she made it (wink, wink) but the party on Friday wasn't at XXX-Day.

Seeing Jesus sitting outside on the balcony overlooking the ocean fondling Mary before the hospitality time started; watching Mary annoint his feet with KY jelly; rubbing it off with her lovely locks of hair... Seeing the strong winds blow their clothes against their bodies, seeing them laugh, seeing them turn slightly green, seeing them talking with great interest about the sex secrets of the Polish sex magicians....!

Pastor Craig spent a fortune on Anomie the Saturday afternoon before he was violently molested by Phred and she was glad to show it off. She makes black leather stockings look simply beautiful on her perfectly proportioned legs! Of course I have to mention Pee Kitty in her pink and blue sheers under her cover up was a show stealer too. Especially once she jumped in the hot tub! And Papa Joe in his freshly-pressed Nazi uniform -- tres mani-fuck, nes ce pas?

When a Connieite says she wants to be the party favor you get the idea that she is an exhibitionist and is ready to play, NOW, DAMMIT, NOW!! But since it is a woman's sex-cult she also learns she must share. Male Bobbies always wonder if they will fit in, if they will know what to do, if they can last long enough, if it is big enough. Well, they always find out they didn't know they could cum so many times in one evening and there are a thousand ways to please the priestesses of Connie especially if you know what CONNIE likes!

I try not to pick on any one person but some scenes are so subtle that if you weren't watching closely, you would have missed the beauty of what transpired. In the middle of the first squid session Stang had been watching with great interest and was taken by the hand and lead to the edge of the bed to sit down. Connie Dobbs herself was sitting behind him rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. She was also enjoying the delights of rubbing his shaved scrotum when Sister Decadence came in front of them and said, "May I join you?" What is more delightful than two sets of hands holding fistfuls of freshly debeaked prarie squid rubbing your freshly waxed ass SubGenius style? Nothing! That's what!

They showed Stang how to relax and flow with the motion of the squid slime, pampered like a well-oiled twin-Vwith the cute little sea urchins. Connie was rubbing on his back and the Decadence was rubbing him in the front. He had already been mesmerized to the point that all resistance was gone. Stang felt one hand stroking his cock and the other was playing with his balls and then they would change hands and the different strokes was more than any mere mortal man could endure!

(to be continued..?)
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Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: Sister Decadence <decadence@subgenius.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Fri, Jul 14, 2000 5:45 PM Message-ID: <3g9vmso0ptg6jpd8mlvh9bshjan5op3ci2@4ax.com>

On Fri, 14 Jul 2000 15:29:14 GMT, Sister Decadence said in alt.slack:

>
> HA! I thought I had already!
>

To clarify: I met Susie the Floozie OFFICIALLY at X-Day 1998 and by XX-Day 1999, we were.....well, close. (It's not like that's news.) So she was my dream girl I'd idolized for YEARS and after X-Day we got to have SEX. What more could you want from a church? A trip to Europe?

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: "Rev. Pee Kitty" <pkitty@brainpuke.REMOOVE-THIS.com>

Well, it was at Dos Equis that I met my lovely mate Jewyl, and the weekend became filled with a great deal of physical fun. (BTW, I'd like to finally, officially apologize to the rest of alt.slack.woods for keeping everyone awake...your lack of sleep went towards a good cause.)

This year...well, let's just say we found the hot tub very, very
invigorating...

--
Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian
Meow!

'Frop (frop) n. [ATL Habafropzipulous] The only thing that can drop you into the wading pool section of your own soul while the lifeguard's body drips blood from the diving board into the water, creating a fractal pattern dictated by an equation which has been built into your DNA code since life began. Watch the pattern and learn next week's winning Lotto numbers. [Webster-Dobbs, 3rd ed.] ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: sosodada <kwpasto@attglobal.net>

<< This year...well, let's just say we found the hot tub very, very
invigorating...>>

That was obvious by the flotsam and jetsam you left in your wake. I guess that was your flotsam and jetsam. Kind of appeared to be little macrame projects: intricate knots of pubic hair, mystery fibers and straw bound together by a semi-solid translucent matter?

"Rev. Pee Kitty" wrote:

Modemac <modemac@modemac.com> wrote: Any others who may be willing to come out of the closet and share their close, personal, intimate moments of X-Day?

Well, it was at Dos Equis that I met my lovely mate Jewyl, and the weekend became filled with a great deal of physical fun. (BTW, I'd like to finally, officially apologize to the rest of alt.slack.woods for keeping everyone awake...your lack of sleep went towards a good cause.)

This year...well, let's just say we found the hot tub very, very invigorating...

-- Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian Meow!

'Frop (frop) n. [ATL Habafropzipulous] The only thing that can drop you into the wading pool section of your own soul while the lifeguard's body drips blood from the diving board into the water, creating a fractal pattern dictated by an equation which has been built into your DNA code since life began. Watch the pattern and learn next week's winning Lotto numbers. [Webster-Dobbs, 3rd ed.]

--
MZD

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: mannixh8u@aol.comboogedee (Father Mannix)

I wish to add that though I was part of the unfortunate mass of unlucky bastiches to not score at XXX-Day, even aside from my oh-so-charming and witty personality and ruggedly dashing good looks, I did manage to get some time alone to perform vast masturbatory excersises on my lower abdominal area with the help of the slight incline of terrain underneath my tent. It was an experience I'd wish on anyone....Wonderful!!!!

"If ya ain't got socks, ya ain't got much. So if ya got 'em, ya might as well pull 'em up!!!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: Locnar@IgLou.com (Governor Rocknar) Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Sat, Jul 15, 2000 5:27 AM Message-ID: <Locnar-1507000727080001@lex-ts1-17.iglou.com>

Shit, I didn't even masturbate. I was SAVING MYSELF for ONE BIG OOZESQUIRT!! I was planning on doing shrooms that year with Christina Bucket. I was LUCKY to just get two. I gave them both to Christina Bucket for her to hold onto.

And what did she do? SHE TOOK THEM BOTH! And later that night, she and Spike and Betsy Fucking Ross and her man Keith hooked up on a FOUR WAY ON MDMA.

And left me on a cold air matress in the midst of the alt.slack.village, with a bit of frop left in my Graybow pipe. Actually had a good chat with Pastor Craig in his weakened and injured state during that time. But still this wasn't how I wanted MY XXX-Day to go. So I said fuck it to myself, and went and hung with ESO as they were setting off rockets in the cauldron.

In a way, the rockets actually took to flight like the church personalities they were named after. Mary Magdaline's rocket had a definate DEVIANCE to it. As soon as it was lit, the launching tube it was positioned in went DROOP and the rocket inside it went PLOP to the ground.

And the FUSE WAS STILL LIT!!!

"Uh oh!" was the consensus cry from everyone in witness.

And then...the S.E.V. "Mary Magdaine" (SubGenius Escape Vessel) LAUNCHED! ALL AROUND US for a time, everyone scrambling for whatever little cover there was available. Finally, "Mary Magdaline" angled into a vector allowing for lift and she took to the sky in a beautiful arcing climb, in a near exponential curve. It was only later that I found out of Mary's near-death encounter to rival Pastor Craig's, and in a way, it seemed approprate.

The S.E.V. "Sister Decadence" went up without a hitch by comparison, but what made the "Sister Decadence" a thing of sheer beauty was that it sent a conical trail of SILVER SPARKS that fired as the engines fired. The other rockets were all great to see go up, and my only regret is I never got to witness the launch of the S.E.V. "Governor Rocknar" personally, but the "Sister Decadence" and "Mary Magdaine" were two escape vessels that were UNFORGETTABLE!

Afterward, I hung out at the "Anti-Bonfire Bonfire" where we had to tribally out scream the tribal screamers at the pagan bonfire.

And then there was "Hangin' with Ed Strange", when MY VERY PRESENCE caused the jabbering acid-head ranter to WALK AWAY SILENTLY. First, he got a good 30 or 40 yards from our fire. Then, he turned to LEAVE. Strange was so impressed how I got rid of that one definatly WEIRD GUY just by walking up to him that he had me FOLLOW that guy, just to see what he'd do partly and partly to be the thorn in HIS side for a change. walking up and down the main path and eventually for the Cauldron with someone unknown.

Afterward, there was the lovely burning bush of Brushwood with Ed Strange's flamethrower straight out of MacGuyver. And as the bush burned with the lovely orange crackling glow of an aerosol propellant helping the natural fire combustion, Stang and I actually witnessed it SNOWING!

Snowing fallout and ash from the burning bush.

But it was still snowing. Hey, I thought it was cool.

So I crawled back to the air matress, caught a little more rest, hoping to dream of an XXX-Day covered in the radioactive ash of the pinks burning as the saucers overhead them fried them to a crisp, and woke up with 55 minutes until the 7 AM Saucer Drill. That's when I staggered back to the trailer and took another nap until I was forced to dispatch the gathering lynch mob that attempted to storm the Heirarchy Fortress/Trailer.

"If ya ain't got socks, ya ain't got much. So if ya got 'em, ya might as well pull 'em up!!!"

And Bucket still has a nice thick pair of woolen green socks I loaned her off MY FEET because her socks were soaked. I would like them back eventually but I will be happy if I get them back next year.

I may not have gotten everything I truly wanted at this XXX-Day, but I still feel better for going than I would for not going. I still had FUN, maybe not FUN SEX but FUN nonetheless. However, I have decided that Christina Bucket is NOT WORTHY OF MY OOZESQUIRT! She's got Spike, and in a way, they're cosmically bound. Maybe Bucket and Spike have been here before, their life paths both continuously crossing until reaching this junction of the Space-Time Continnum.

Maybe that's how it is for all of us. Legume and Susi have been here before. Stang and Wei (and for a time Stang and Someone Else) have been here before. Armand and Barbie Geddyn were here before. JESUS AND MAGDALINE, well, we all KNOW they have DEFINATLY been here before!!! ;)

I've been here before too, but my Connie-ite, well, you all know her, she likes to be "fashionably late". If, Dobbs willing, she DOES make it to one of these XXXX-Days, you may see THE THIRD SIDE OF GOVERNOR ROCKNAR!

For that lucky Connie-ite Bride of Rocknar, I offer her as a wedding dowry for next XXXX-Day, THIRTY PIECES OF GOLD! ($30 all in Sacajawea dollar coins ;) I gave BUCKET that for a dowry, EVEN INCLUDING THREE EXTRA DOLLAR COINS FOR DR. LEGUME'S MARRIAGE FEE, BUT BUCKET DIDN'T CLOSE THE DEAL, FRIENDS!!!

I'm searchin, brothers and sisters. I'm searchin. I've found this free chat/personals place on the net, http://alt.com and there, you can find PLENTY of UberFemmes of all shapes, sizes, colors, makes and models and they're SINGLE TOO! I tried like hell all last year to get some that I thought were worthy. I kept telling them, "hey, what are you doing for the Fourth of July?".

Any SubGeniuses there at http://alt.com can find me easily. I'm just "Locnar" there. :)

"SYM (Single Yeti Male) seeks SYF (Single Yeti Female) for purposes of slacking off, controlled procreation and occasional World Domination."

"I told you this was a puny planet." - Ursa, "Superman II"

--
Gov. Rocknar

Randolph S. Vance
Locnar@Iglou.com (Macintosh Eudora Mail)

QUOTE - "I'll watch some TV, it'll help me to RELAX!" - Ren Hoek ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: Sister Decadence <decadence@subgenius.com>

And what did she do? SHE TOOK THEM BOTH! And later that night, she and Spike and Betsy Fucking Ross and her man Keith hooked up on a FOUR WAY ON MDMA.

So, do you know now where you went WRONG?

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: doktor roxor <roxor@hackermail.net> Newsgroups: alt.slack

i learned that the person most deserving of my affections is ME !

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: Photong-(Rev. D. J.) <djfarrellNOdjSPAM@wycol.com.invalid> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Sun, Jul 16, 2000 11:10 AM Message-ID: <25df46c8.454fbbc2@usw-ex0103-024.remarq.com>

..well, okay.

I might as well get this out.

Myself and Rev. Eris Pagana made some rather beautiful music together on and off the air at WBOB. In addition to providing much needed energy necessary to allow for massive video recording and picture taking!!!

..If only the weather had been a little warmer!!!

All kidding aside, it seems that our little gatherings at Brushwood are the only places on earth where any self-respecting SubGenius can get laid!!!

Praise Bob!!!

>Rev. D. J. : )

Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com.
Up to 100 minutes free!
http://www.keen.com
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Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: "Rev. Pee Kitty" <pkitty@brainpuke.REMOOVE-THIS.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Sun, Jul 16, 2000 9:12 PM Message-ID: <8ktti212v20@news1.newsguy.com>

sosodada <kwpasto@attglobal.net> wrote:

Of course I have to mention Pee Kitty in her pink and blue sheers under her cover up was a show stealer too. Especially once she jumped in the hot tub!

Oh thank you, darling. For some reason, every time I wear that little short dress/nightie, all the men (and women) around me just seem to stare and stare, almost in dumbfounded amazement.

(I feel pretty... oh so pretty....)

--
Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian
Meow!

Ummon asked: "The world is such a wide world, why do you answer a bell and don ceremonial robes?" (Zen Koan)

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: sosodada <kwpasto@attglobal.net> Newsgroups: alt.slack Reply-To: kwpasto@attglobal.net Date: Mon, Jul 17, 2000 9:36 AM Message-ID: <39732802.8AF36528@attglobal.net>

<<..."...front yard"... Front yard?>>

Hey now.

I'm trying to get Pastor Craig laid here. Just play along. I've got enough work cut out
for me as it is.

I'm sure his explaination of Babylon Hts. is better than mine, seeing that I've never been given the Green Weenie Baptism or anything. You may want to direct that complaint to Him, whom I recommend FOR cannonization after his obvious & public martyrdom. Hail St. Craig! The piece of bone he left in my truck will be a holy relic, worthy of eternal adoration.

<<More! More!>>

Bushweed. Next weekend. My memory needs refreshing. ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: prostata@bronze.coil.com (Rev. Prostata Cantata) Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Mon, Jul 17, 2000 1:02 PM Message-ID: <j7lvk8.igp.ln@news.concourse.com>

In article <25df46c8.454fbbc2@usw-ex0103-024.remarq.com>, Photong-(Rev. D. J.) <djfarrellNOdjSPAM@wycol.com.invalid> wrote:

All kidding aside, it seems that our little gatherings at Brushwood are the only places on earth where any self-respecting SubGenius can get laid!!!

speak for yerself buddy. every Bobdammed day around me is XXX-day nomatter where I happen to be in meatspace.

Glad to hear you had a good time, but that's not the ONLY place we can get laid. You just gotta find the yeti chicks in your home turf. They are there! They can be found because of the pheromones they emit, so simply SNIFF all the women you see on the street or in biker bars.

Thus sayith the mighty DeVo:

"If you live in a small town, you might meet a dozen or two young
alien types who step out and dare to declare 'We're through being cool!'"

GO FORTH, young yeti and SCREW!

oh, there's nothing wrong with doing a human occasionally. Sometimes a
little human trim is just the thing on the menu, but remember, it's
bestiality, so don't get "involved" and DON'T let her DILUTE your precious
bodily fluids.

Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: Resop <tstcraig@erols.com> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Tue, Jul 18, 2000 6:09 PM Message-ID: <3974F1C8.5BB4@erols.com>

Sister Decadence wrote:
>
> On Sun, 16 Jul 2000 20:59:07 -0400, sosodada said in alt.slack:
> >
> >Pastor Craig spent a fortune on Anomie the Saturday afternoon before he was
> >violently molested by Phred and she was glad to show it off.

The collar bone emaculation was Friday.

I'm not sure if I spent any money on Anomie but I dropped a LOT of money in Chas Smith's coffers for CD's.

She was a loony. Told some pals of mine they were camping in "her front yard". The space in the main open field in front of her little annually-payed-up grove. Front yard? Then, she tried to call some people out of a tent when they were....engaged in adult activities.

Well, she does have a cabin fifteen feet back into the woods. Also, starting today, at brushwood, there are at least 30 people there (identifiable by the green nail paint on their left pinkies) who worship were like most of us worship Bob and or Connie.

Tobor
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Subject: Re: Sex Tales of X-Day From: absent <absentNOabSPAM@wcnet.org.invalid> Newsgroups: alt.slack Date: Tue, Jul 18, 2000 6:54 PM Message-ID: <234db8fe.635139b8@usw-ex0103-023.remarq.com>

Truly ye fail to estimate properly the Bleakness of NW ohio. Devo were from CENTRAL ohio, so they can't talk. we are the "other" ohio, the ANTI-ohio. William I, Emperor of Mars (Because OHIO wasn't big enough)

Original file name: Sex Tales of X-Day - converted on Wednesday, 19 July 2000, 10:17