EARTH IS HELL

“I YAM THAT I YAM.” JeHoVah-1 to Moses/Popeye from THE BOOK OF VISHANTI

§ANSWERS? YOU WANT ANSWERS?

You may wish to—GOD?!?—that you’d never asked.

You’ll get your answers, allright. Dobbsian Hermeticism all-too-fully explains Man’s place and purpose on this Earth Plane, this hierarchy of universal cruelties.

Perhaps the least answerable question in history, here answered, is, “WHY ARE WE HERE?”

Why do we have such a huge capacity for pleasure, and confusion? Just so we’ll keep breeding fast enough for some mindless long-range perpetual mutation machine?

(If only it were so!! If only it were that simple!!)

What set everything going in the first place, before the Big Bang? This question terrifies the water out of us if we really grasp it. We almost instinctively grab for some pose, some ‘cause,’ crutch, drug, or religion—or even another person—that will let us ignore this hideous mystery, that will create alibis for our failure to find a purpose in life. (Although there are some who frankly don’t give a shit; they are the lucky ones.)

The concept of Infinity is so hard to ‘get’ viscerally that when we look up at the night sky, we tend to actually think of the stars merely as randomly separated, inexplicably backlit holes punched in some huge backdrop about a mile away from us.

Yet every now and then we can actually get a ‘feel’ for the distances and times involved … and glimpsing that fact of eternity becomes REAL SCARY if you truly get a solid grip on that insolidity, that abject Nothingness of God’s Brain …

What scares you is that you might be ‘God’ and you might wake up, and all those fragile physical laws might come crashing down; the spiderweb framework of all reality, even your friends’ thoughts, might be erased like some precious but stupidly-unlabeled cassette tape, never to be recaptured again.

The idea is so scary that the goal of most religions is to preserve and elaborate on that concept of the stars as a big painted backdrop. They make Infinity a ‘prop’so you don’t have to think about the scary part.

This religion is about the Scary Part.

It can’t be ‘thought about;’ it is grasped only through direct knowledge—“seeing,” one might say, the nature of Slack. Without Slack, there can be no Infinity, and vice versa. “Good Lord,” it exists only inside our heads, after all. This Vale of Illusion isn’t real, “for God’s Sake.” At least, not until somebody slams the outside of the head with a truncheon. Then, you could probably call it fairly real.

And here comes the answer. Someone is slamming both sides of all our heads with a truncheon. It sure as hell isn’t God, either. God couldn’t care less. That’s right, God couldn’t care less. “God” gives everyone equal time, the truncheons as well as the heads. “He” got the whole mess started, then sat back to watch it run itself into the ground or the sky, whichever way the universe ends up.

No, we aren’t talking about God. Anybody that talks about God, doesn’t know what he’s talking about. This Church has NO USE for these namby-pamby, goody-two-shoes “New Age” and “Aquarian” weirdos. They’re vapid, they don’t cuss, they have no understanding of the need for spiritual violence in this modern space-age a-go-go society. God won’t be ashamed or surprised when humanity invents its own Final Judgement and destroys the planet. They are the threat to Mankind.

No, the SubGenius wants no part of the “New Age” with its hallucinated “Love God;” it’s already here and it obviously sucks. The SubGenius would rather retrieve the manly PAST—the Old Ways, the pre-pagan ways—or else jump-cut ahead to the nasty, fun-loving REMOTE FUTURE, a strange time when anything made of plastic will be a valuable antique that collectors will kill for and when SEXHURT will be recognized as sane human nature and indulged in no matter whether any church or government ‘allows’ it. But such things are TRIFLES! EVERY RELIGION CARRIES A MALIGNANT PARTICLE OF THE TRUTH and like a monster patched together from the loathe-some parts of the bodies of dead faiths, the Church of the SubGenius has brought to perverse life the devastating, odious fact that THE VENGEFUL GOD OF WRATH OF THE OLD TESTAMENT IS REAL AND ALIVE AND HIS HAME IS JEHOVAH-1!! and to even utter that mere name can have such cataclysmic repercussions that for the remainder of this Book we shall follow the wisdom of the Ancient Hebrews and whisper only “JHVH-1” or the safer Lesser Dead Names of the Ungone One: Yahweh, Odin, Pan, Bog, Ra, Iah, AFFA, Mammon, Shiva, Wotan, Adonai Moloch, Abulldad, Ad-llubad, Shamash, Demiurgus, Iadabaoth, Old Nobodaddy, Crom, etc., etc. —DO NOT READ THAT LIST ALOUD!!! JHVH-1 is NOT GOD but a mad alien from some corporate sin galaxy, full of eyes round about, a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, He cometh with the clouds, radioactive, all-pervading, He forgeth His Covenant with the SubGenius in CHAINS of GENETIC PROGRAMMING and DEMANDS OBEISANCE to His caveman sense of humor. He giveth SLACK and He taketh SLACK and what this groping polypous Fate-Warper is making us do dates back to Homo Correctus, First Whole Man, the Yeti Adam; He “formed a man from the dust of the ground” (read: “shot his wad of DNA straight into the brains of Ramapithicus”) and only by letting our bodies obey the Code of financial lust survival that is

built into them can our souls be freed from His INEVITABLE FIST. You think the long arm of the law is long? The Stark Fist of Removal is BIG! BIG!!!

§SEX ELVIS’ GHOST AND YOU!

We’re not talking about UFO-riding superminds, although Wotan did assume that disguise to lure the Jews out of Egypt. We’re talking about a seething, noisome vortex of grinning Chaos that can reach out with titanic, sizeless hands and twist the fabric of time and space if so inclined. Not something that simply visits us and smites us, but a hulking dread that literally inhabits each and every one of us to some unguessable extent. Everything we do, have done, or will ever do, both in our daily routines and on the subatomic causational level of micro-occurences and billionth-of-a-nanosecond electron collisions, is DICTATED by the permutations of the great SKOR: the cosmic script of all cause and effect, the mutamorphic Archive wherein are recorded the shapes and movements of every blood tick, sperm whale, movie star and bicycle seat, “all the molecules of oil on all the grains of sand of every moonlit beach of the world.”

YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE SKOR. but JHVH-1 can. His “Heavenly Host,” consisting of sub-neutrinos, “Wotrons” and “bobyon” particles, can shred the channels and pathways of the Skor as easily as a SubGenius would hoodwink a Pink.

At any given instant, an unimaginable quantity of neutrinos—energy-particles which make atoms look like planets—is coursing through your body. They are created spontaneously by the will power of JHVH-1: HE DOES THIS WITH HIS BRAIN. Coursing along their divine trajectories, passing through the tender pink flesh of human beings, these particles and their invisible “bobyon” and “Wotron” partners interact with our chromosomes, with the electrical patterns that are our thoughts, with all the DNA in the Living Chain of Life. Thus the Almighty Would-Be Architect of the Universe controls our behavior—our buying habits—our reproduction. The minute adjustments of neutrinal velocity and vibrational levels can cause a mountain to crumble or make your unborn children into supermen. They can make you choose Brand X over Brand Y. And it’s all mapped out in advance. The Luck Plane is edited.

§COULD THIS BE THE END?

Like an ax this TOTAL FATE PROGRAM confronts our similarly-encoded SENSE OF SLACK and cleaves our heads straight down the middle into schizocephallic left and right sides (as well as the lesser-known north and south brains plus the forebrain and hindbrain); the resulting sub-Id battleground is responsible for our precariously-balanced NENTAL IVES (clones of us in the spirit world, parallel ghosts of ourselves, whose duplicate lusts influence our behavior on this material plane). Yes—YAHWEH smote us in primeval days with “Bad Brakes” by which we cannot stop our devil twins from overcoming our ‘better nature’ and by which, furthermore, we cannot even begin to tell the difference between the two! ‘Brakes’ are all that keep us from committing ANYTHING WE MIGHT IMAGINE IN OUR MOST WARPED FANTASIES, such as chopping off the

heads of those noisy … well, all of us, even Pink Wimps, are Jekyll/Hyde monsters with two conflicting Personality Polarities in our noggins; the Shaft of Suppression rears its ugly Head in response to this utter psychosis which squirms for most of our lives only in the dim, unseen reaches of our decision-pumps; we act ‘normal’ most of the time, but who can say which side, the ‘good’ or the ‘bad,’ is in control of the body at any given moment? This subconscious Armageddon, of which we are usually and thankfully unaware, expresses itself physically as our phobias, Work Instinct, and universanal compulsions; spiritually, it is responsible for our unruly but subtle psychic powers—which result not from any ‘inner love-aura’ but from the mindless Nental Ife ghost standing at our sides. It is the half of our intelligence which is NOT in control, and it erupts from its usual idiot blithering into weird, occult phenomanifestations only when our turbulent mental background reaches such peaks of simultaneous crisis and repression as the stormy glandular rampages of adolescence. The Nental Ife is the cause of poltergeists. It is also the source of the imagination.

Pinks have no Nental Ife.

Image REVENGE OF G‘BO’FRAN

The SubGenius, however, releases this roiling energy in throes of JHVH-spawned RITES OF DEGENERACY (“Within reason,” cautions the Left Brain), just as his Church’s dogma instructs.

Now, the sex glands are a creation of THE DEVIL HIMSELF, but he is a minor character in the pantheon of the gods (that’s right—WOTAN IS NOT ALONE.). He implanted those urges in all bipeds on orders from … let’s just say “The Elder Gods.” For now. These “Elder Gods” gave us Sex to TIE US DOWN to our base and primal instincts, to keep us from rising above our Roots, TO PREVENT US FROM BECOMING GODS LIKE THEM.

Fortunately for us, JHVH-1 is NOT ON THEIR SIDE. He wishes us to unlock the chains of sex … but NOT by repressing them. Instead, He INSISTS that we INDULGE these urges SO MUCH MORE THAN NECESSARY that the chains SNAP FROM OVERUSE and we are freed from our bonds.

AIIEEEE, YES! If ODIN HIMSELF wants us to CUT LOOSE and RUN RAMPANT, WHO THE HELL ARE WE, TO QUESTION HIS DIVINE EDICTS?

DON’T get Heaven and Hell all mixed up like most people do. Serve JHVH-1 as He meant for you to: go forth on the Holy Quest for Fornication! Your conscience is an illusion; there is merely an instinctive behavior code, to ‘hold back’ is to suffocate, but never forget for a second that it is the monster god that allows this, that demands it, for “SCIENCE DOES NOT REMOVE THE TERROR OF THE GODS!” Not anymore. FEAR HIM but follow the hints of the accidents in your life, follow The Path of Least Resistance and gob out from under the sacrifices he demands of all the Glorps around you; your sacred FOLLIES and FOIBLES will show you where Slack lies and you will be able to relax and avoid heart attacks. WOTAN KILLS those who drudge their lives away without knowing who He is, but He REWARDS the ones who recognize His STARK FIST and carry out His seemingly immoral plans while SLACKING OFF EVERY CHANCE THEY GET. Quit your job!

Blow off false work! Free the spirits of the sex glands, EXORCISE the DAEMONS of the GUNADS! Even one act of solo sex tantra—the Simplest Sex Magick—is a MIGHTY BLOW against the REPRESSOR-DEVIL!

JHVH-1 is an economic god Who desires that His followers be rich in material wealth, no matter their poverty of spirit (that’s “Bob’s” department), for rich followers give Him a tighter grip on the bustling races of Earth. He does not call for meditation, introspection, least of all renunciation. He instills greed in his followers.

Why do we go out of our way to worship the monster god, then? It doesn’t seem to be for either evil or good.

Right. The gods do not recognize those qualities. It is “Bob” who brings “goodness” into the picture. He is the one man who is loved by the gods; only he can wheel and deal with them on our behalf.

No, it is simply that Jeh-Hoo-Vih-1 is the only god around who currently demands lip service. The rest of the Elder Gods are, for all intents and purposes, asleep (well, most of them, anyway). They, like the human race itself, have no Slack … not the kind they need, anyway. Indeed, in this one respect, we are equal to the gods themselves.

JHVH-1 is the only major primordial deity now actively soliciting praise and requesting fertility rites.

Jesus, for instance, doesn’t insist that we worship Him, nor will He smite us if we don’t. His followers do that. He has made it clear that He’d love to give most of His fans the slip. They’ve got the story all mixed up.

The Church of the SubGenius is with The Fightin’ Jesus, the Swingin’ Buddha, Muhammed the Avenger, and all the other space detectives from benevolent alien races who came to defy the tyrant Elder Gods.

§BLISTERED BY IGNORANCE

§BLASTED BY KNOWLEDGE

(The only thing that Dobbs leaves ambiguous is whether The Fightin’ Jesus is for or against JHVH-1 in particular. There is no question that He came from space: “You are from below, I am from above; you are of this world, I am not of this world” (John 8:23). He was “lifted up” in a

“cloud” like the other ancient Hebrew Astronauts. But just exactly what is His relationship with the Space Bankers? Is the “Rapture” a Revenge Mission on which He will have the rotting corpses of dead Christians rise from their graves to seek the flesh of living Christians, as punishment for both for dragging His Hame through the mud of guilt and repression? It doesn’t really matter. The Rapture is scheduled for after 1998 and we SubGenii will be gone by the time He shows up.)

Admittedly, YAHWEH is a strange god. He is unusually pragmatic for a supreme being. He doesn’t care what you think about Him, only what you do for Him. It is this material world, this very Veil of Maya, that he covets. He’s the kind of god you can buy indulgences from (we sell them).

Another aspect of WOTAN that distinguishes Him from your regular gods is His obvious sense of “bulldada,” His streak of very black humor. His manipulation of life on Earth shows a definite touch of cruel irony. He evidently enjoys what He’s doing. However, we must remember that He is not out to destroy us or help us, but to use us. We are only TOOLS. It’s like your dad and his phillips-head screwdriver: if you lose it, he becomes insanely enraged, yet he has no personal identification with it.

Perhaps His oddest feature is his anthropomorphism. He shows a remarkably human small-mindedness, although this may simply be the way He wishes us to see Him. Probably it is because we are engineered “in His Own Image.” That doesn’t mean we look like Him—He has no body. It means that Early Man’s MIND was fashioned after His. He placed His own penchant for greed, ruthlessness and masturbatory violence into the otherwise blank brain-pan of Primo-Anthropocus (First Biped). True, it resulted in the awful humans we have today, but if he hadn’t done it, brainy dinosaurs would be here instead of us.

Certainly, we are at His absolute mercy. Earth is His test tube, and the most horrifying part of Dobbs’ revelations is that THIS TEST TUBE EARTH FUNCTIONS AS “THE STAKES” IN A SORT OF COSMIC “BAR BET”—a diabolical ‘bet’ that JHVH-1 could not create an intelligent species that could sustain life on its own planet without self-destructing within 5 million years, without the intercession of a Divine Prophet.

Is “Bob” Yahweh’s way of cheating?

Yes, “the Lord” DOES INDEED work in mysterious ways … yet they are really no more mysterious than the roll of dice.

This would be almost comforting—IF WE WERE ALL STUPID. Instead, it’s frightening. It implies that the Plan for humans is reflected in war, crime, hunger, pollution. How can such things do a divine being any good?? Why does He allow them?

Because THAT’S JUST THE WAY HE IS.

His Stark Fist of Removal is ever poised overhead and will crash down randomly for indiscernible reasons.

Why? WHY?

Because He said so, THAT’S why.”

In the Prescriptures, speaking through the tranced-out medium of “Bob” Dobbs, the hoary Voice of Wrath has this to say:

“To him that cometh as an Overman, and is changed before Me, and giveth unto Me his joyous Slack fullness, I will give of him to spend of the seed of Life, which is the expectoration of My M’Me, and he shall be copyrighted by the Angels for life eternal; and he shall rule the Underlings, who defecate on the Sabbath, and who fornicate only in reproduction … and he shall eat of Time, and not be rotted, but shall have the keys to hell and death and be as king.”

(Note: The Prescriptures are subject to retranslation without notice.)

Who are “the Underlings” mentioned in that beautiful passage?

They’re THE CONSPIRACY!! THE STINKING DAMN CONSPIRACY!!

Well, technically, the “Underlings” or “UnderAlls” are the innocent, witless dupes of The Conspiracy, ruled by the select Few False Prophets at the top. The saddest part is that we have no way of knowing how many of these “UnderAlls” are really latent SubGenii, cut off from the Slack-filled message of “Bob” and merely waiting like caterpillars stuck in their cucoons for a nebulous something to free them.

How in the name of Names did our world arrive at this woeful juncture in history?

JHVH-1 keeps His stage crowded with players. And the plot of His bizarre play is dense with intrigue. Half of the players were not given scripts at all, and the rest have only the sections that they figure in. Only “Bob” has a complete copy. While “Bob”, as the Embodiment of Slack, does not make plans, yet he possesses a plan: the secret plan to WOTAN’s great “gameboard”.

On this gameboard are two main teams, plus countless spooky ‘random factors’ thrown in to keep things JUMPING. It’s “Bob” and the SubGeniuses Vs. The Conspiracy and its Minions. Each team is given certain powers; our power is to make people JUMP, to wake them up, while The Con was given the power to make you gobble down mercury-loaded hamburgers and breathe plutonium-tainted air without complaining, no matter how twisted and deformed your children might end up. Great balance, huh? The funny thing is, the majority seems to prefer the Conspiracy.

Look around you and face it. It’s been obvious for a long time. The world is composed mostly of assholes. All kinds of ignorant, dangerous, thoughtless louts are in positions of power, respect, and influence, while some of the bravest, most capable and most deserving people you know are forced to waste their talents slugging it out in a thankless cycle of brainbreaking labor and mental paralysis. Checks and balances? What a JOKE! There are NONE. To think the system will improve by itself is a pipe dream.

Image LIES. ALL LIES

§WHO TO SMITE?

The idea that America (or any country) values individuality as the highest ideal is a cheap myth. Everybody’s an individualist, but they don’t like individuals. Perhaps in simpler times it was true, but no modern industrial deathkulture can really afford a population of unpredictables.

This shouldn’t surprise you—the long history of persecution of SubGenii by The Conspiracy goes back for generations untold; indeed, there are signs of Their cannibal repression of prehuman SubGeniuses dating from before “Man’s” appearance on Earth. All of civilization’s painful and misguided climb up from the primeval slime, and its subsequent loss of Slack and of any class at all, has been indelibly marked—nay, entirely motivated—by the aeons-bridging conflict between The Con’s mindlessly chickenshit Witless Principals and the superior, ethnically all-embracing races of latent SubGenii. (You should know this—you were / will be there in the Beforelife!)

Remember, a “SubGenius” isn’t a member of any organization. It is a life form. Dobbs Consciousness isn’t a philosophy or gameplan—it’s the main quality of an entire species that has always been here, but has never needed a name; things have never been this bad before. If we don’t start recognizing it, we won’t notice when They finally destroy it.

§NUCLEAR DOOM: SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT

Image Fig. 307 God inserts Divine Pilch in Believer

The Conspiracy formed the background of your entire life. It is inner conflict. It is your inferiority complex, or your delusion of grandeur. It is nervous tension, the habit of worry. It is your darkest, most debilitating fears, and it’s what keeps you afraid, what makes you scared to walk home alone at night. It IS the very reason for all your problems.

It gave us the current spate of escapist sci-fi/fantasy movies to ready us for the real sci-fi horrors that They are planning. If They can keep us seeing it as a big cowboys-and-aliens GAME then They can keep doing it. They’ve got most people looking forward to turning the entire Earth into

one big shopping mall/condo complex. They let the three major networks get so bad that you actually can’t wait for 87 channels of cable narcotics. Then when the next step comes, and your TV watches you, you won’t mind.

One of Their very most effective tools is TECHNOBOREDOM—what passes for fun among Mediocretins is deadening, false roleplay PAP to a SubGenius. They BURY the alternatives.

They’re also expert at GUILT MANIPULATION. A long, long time ago, They invented the labels of “success” and “failure” (as opposed to “good” and “bad”) and make them stick. That gets you to sacrifice irrationality. If you don’t go along with every trivial request THEY make, if you don’t try to carry the world on your back, both of which are impossible, you’re supposed to feel like you “failed” somewhere.

DON’T be a Businessman On A Cross. “Bob” says we should stand firm and fight for our right to fail instead of forever beating our heads against a brick wall They set for us. “If you can’t whup it, go down,” as that great Wino said in the Tabernacle. Move on to other things. RELISH your MISTAKES. We seek a Perfect laziness—a perpetual motion lifestyle of work/play.

§A TASTE OF BLOOD

You have a RIGHT to be disgusted with CRAP—to LUST after BODIES—to FLEE from unwinnable fights.

Image Joe Schwind

As long as those Cage Men and Box Dwellers run this planet, its economies and ecologies face certain extinction. We must rise to our rightful places, grip the reins of evolution, and, with our Outsider’s WarpKnowledge, wrench human culture out of its subliminally programmed mental slumber.

Our One-World Religion is the only sane alternative to Their totalitarian One-World Government (which would eventually produce a No World Government). That only in recent years have we recognized our own sovereignty demonstrates BOTH how vicious THEIR efforts have been at denying us Slack, and how near our race is to TRIUMPH.

You can tell they’re running scared. At first the controlled media attempted to ignore us. They assumed our movement would just fizzle out. They thought it was a JOKE. One can’t really blame Pinks for being unable to see the Church as anything but a paranoid fantasy, considering the HOPELESSNESS that is rammed down their throats. But then They turned to smear campaigns. You’ve heard the pathetic bleating of the Citizens for Normalcy, you’ve read of the firebombings of SubGenius FisTemples by middle-of-the-road terrorists, you’ve seen them

increase the insipidity level of prime-time TV (going so far as to name a ‘bad guy’ in one series set in Dallas after J.R. “Bob” Dobbs).

All this is ULTIMATE PROOF that JVHV-1 has not only promoted the SubGenius as His Special Tool, but has simultaneously pulled Their strings, making Them endarken themselves with their hereditary ignorance and superstitious witchhuntery. BOTH SIDES are pawns in His Bigger Game, His fissioning of history into binary “war equations.” We’re living in a controlled media blackout. Everything we read, see, and hear is CENSORED. And for good reason. If people knew the truth, they really would panic.

Face facts. Wise up. Snap out of it. You’re fooling yourself if you think this society, this Western Civ tinkertoy cage of overpopulation is going to last another 40 years. THEY’VE DONE THINGS TO THE ATMOSPHERE, THE OCEANS, AND THE EARTH’S MAGNETIC FIELD THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT. Notice the funny weather lately?

Things will get a LOT worse before they get better, pal, and any person, place or THING that tries to tell you otherwise, whether on TV, radio, or as a voice in your head, is part and parcel of The Conspiracy, the Conspiracy-Around-A-Conspiracy, and the megaconspiracies that spiral well beyond this planet in nets of covert manipulation. YEAH, the TV news leaves out a few facts here and there…

They’d be alive today—IF NOT FOR YOU!!

Did you know that half of the doomaflotchies we call UFOs are entirely terrestrial in nature and are ridden, not by moonmen, but by ‘humans’? It’s the ancient leadership sector of The Conspiracy, the INSIDERS, who serve the Elder Gods and whose technology is so advanced that not even the Trilateralists know how to handle them.

You knew that any President is just a front-man, a p.r. hyena set out to catch flak and muddy the real issues (which would concern suvival, not politics). But do you know who pulls his strings? Oh, all that right wing stuff about the Council on Foreign Relations is true enough. The world is run by rich, old, white, ugly men… but they’re just the plant supervisors of this Hell Factory Earth. The American System (plus the soon-to-be only other one, the Russian System) is only partially ruled by these various billionaires Petrophiles, these bankers, media kings, corporate potentates and even a few politicians. They’re Caucasian power-jackals, alright, but at least they’re human.

Image St. Byron Werner

When a new President walks into the oval office for the first time, smugly challenging the grim Secret Boys to shock him with that mythical Real Story that all Presidents supposedly get on their first day, it takes them about ten minutes to indeed tell it, and from that moment on you

notice that Our President appears a little greyer, a little more haggard with each TV appearance. Sooner or later, a clone has to take over.

When you learn about Them, and actually meet the Men in Black, it all becomes… clear… With a sinking feeling you realize you’ll have to change all your plans.

For JHVH-1 is not alone in His cosmic meddling. Earth has been inhabited non-stop for millions of years by hundreds of different races of aliens from space, both benevolent and hostile. Have you ever noticed that no two UFO photographs show the same hubcap? Many of the saucer jockeys are simple humanoids like us, Space Nazis who do little more than freeze up car motors on lonely country roads at night and occasionally rape or mutilate a human or cow. They usually look like earless elves or dwarves, and are of relatively minor import here since “Bob” himself has faster spaceships than they have. They only infrequently break the rule of “Don’t Let The Earthlings See You.”

But there are other, far more confusing ones, awful, mindbreaking, overwhelming ones which sow death and madness and which might as well be considered the very fingers of the Stark Fist of JHVH-1 Himself!

§THE HUMAN SCRAPYARD

Of these various Comedians of the Gods, the ones which channel information from WOTAN to humanity are called “THE INJECTORS.” They generally make their trance pronouncements through children, psychics, and drunkards. And “Bob”.

Dozens, perhaps hundreds of entities speak through “Bob.” they also listen and see through him, and many even go to him for advice on handling humans.

“Bob” is a wide-open channel they can lock onto for the divulging of past lives, secret health hints, and predictions. Of the latter, about 90%—all the trivial ones—come true. Most of the world-shattering revelations, however, are PURE ‘D’ BULLSHIT. Thus, “Bob” has the same problem any Contactee has: how to tell truth from lies. Now, telling good UFOs from ad UFOs is simple. The bad ones are the only ones that show up. What’s most difficult is to know which are UFOs at all, which are spewings-forth from the Collective Unconscious, which are WOTAN-derived and which are not, and, of course, which are merely “Bob’s” own subconscious, talking to itself.

“Turok”, “Bob’s” dead American Indian Spirit Guide, says that it is all of those, and then some, but that no matter the details, ALL of them are essentially just robot ‘tools’ of the Elder Gods: the Nothern Fathers Who Slumber Beneath the Glaciers. These psychic robots, whether employed by WOTAN or by the Elder Gods directly, are simply here to automatically add new doses of experimental “food” to the “test tube culture” which is Earth. “Bob” is the eye-dropper through which many of the doses are added. Thus the Elder Gods, though yet “sleeping,” can

still watch us through their robot servants; indeed, the “Eye in the Pyramid” symbol which makes our dollar bills so sinister-looking is nothing less than the hieroglyph for those most abhorrent superdeities, “sleeping with One Eye Open.” Their servant-beings are here to see that we remain sleeping too, unable to advance any faster than they. Otherwise, WE WOULD BECOME GODS OURSELVES. For we, too, have an “Eye,” and that Eye is “Bob.” He is the telephone by which Man can harass the very gods.

Image St. David Martin

Get mad! Get even! Get rich!

So the transmission lines are open. But they are fuzzy, full of static, indistinct and easily garbled. The Elder Gods want to keep us confused, for if we ever truly “wake up,” we’ll have the potential not only to advance to their stage of being but even to ‘beat them to the punch,’ to turn the tables on them; they fear being rudely awakened from their aeons-old slumber by US, finding themselves suddenly the slaves and “Bob” the Master.

The LASER PROJECT is our admittedly feeble effort at beaming an Extra-Galactic TATTLE-TALE RAY … Hopefully drawing attention to the FIX we’re in. Fervently we hope that whatever attention we attract will be NO WORSE than that of Monster-God Jehovah-1; He who holds our squirming mass in His vise-like DEMI-GRIP. A slim hope? Sure! It’s just the Milky Way’s ONLY HOPE!!

the LASER PROJECT

Q: Explain the laser project.

Rev. Buck Naked: Our church figures Jehovah-1 is retarded. Far beyond us or the Xists alright, but too sadistic to be “all there.” When J speaks thru “Bob” he never mentions much about his background except that his family’s in business somewhere; “in some corporate sin-galaxy.”

The Naked Church figures that if J-l’s family knew what was up, they’d “spank” him and make him sit in a black hole for a few billion years. Hopefully, by the time he came back, we’d mutate up to where we could handle our own business. Problem is technological. All we got is these laser beams we’re sending out of Ft. Worth.

Q: This all sounds pretty far-fetched.

Buck: Don’t take my word for it! Buy yourself a telescope. Galaxies are exploding closer to us all the time.

Image Director: Rev. Buck Naked

Who blew M-22? ARE WE NEXT?

Buy the “$upport The LASER PROJECT” posters. They’re real cheap (and small). 6 for .75 [postage included].

Set those little collection soda cans and slotted jars anywhere… home, office, bathroom. Go get big buck$ from airports, busses, banks and RELATIVES! Ha ha ha ha HA! Don’t say so in so many words, but your eyes should express that cool guys and truly chic women often slip pennies, quarters, even DOLLARS into the receptacle. Bless donors, encourage others to do them favors and INCREASE YOUR TAKE!!

Decide how much of the profitic yield you pledge to the LASER PROJECT … Remember (and let everyone know) it’s your soulful imperative to $UPPORT the LASER PROJECT!

And that is why the “Men from Planet X” are so important. They are the fulcrum WOTAN will use to evolve us at high speed no matter the damage to our souls. Their arrival will end the Years of Trouble, or what the Necronomicon calls The Time of PeE. But will the World of the Future be better… or worse? That will largely be up to the Xists.

The Xists are a race of benevolent aliens somewhere between Man and JHVH. Their technical and psychic powers, while no match for YAHWEH’s, are yet nothing short of godlike to us roaches, the Earth Mammals. They are bodiless, but they can take on whatever form they choose, and can be a million different things at once, if necessary; they will be able to watch and converse with every single one of us, individually; they can do anything but figure out what the hell is really going on between Earth, JHVH, the Elder Gods and “Bob.”

These benign space monsters have walked among us throughout history, investigating and sometimes resisting the omnipervasive presence of JHVH-1 and His Minions (of whom they themselves number!). The extinction of the dinosaurs, the rise and “fall” of Atlantis shortly thereafter, the erection of the Pyramids, Stonehenge and other monuments which no slopeheads alone could possibly build, all these events and more are so inextricably interwoven with the invisible background wars between the Xists, JHVH-1, and the Elder Gods, that all the “Ancient Astronaut” fossils in the world offer only the barest of clues. (The movie rights alone to this gut-splitting history are worth millions!)

It isn’t what the Xists have done, though—it’s what they’re about to do that’s important. On July 5, 1998, 7:00 a.m., when we all have hangovers, WOTAN’S JUDGEMENT will take place in the form of what the Prescriptures call The Advent of the Angelic Host; the Xists will DESCEND with their scientifically MAGIC implements, their Bestowals of Technology that will be too much

for us to handle; in one instant all the hangovers will disappear, along with all pollution and nuclear weapons, but in return the human race will have to take on “living machinery” so complex that THOUGH IT IS PEACEFUL, the end result will be equivalent to letting toddlers play with a nuclear arsenal. “Bob,” and not some Conspiracy World Government, MUST BE THERE in a position of WORLD LEADERSHIP to EXPLAIN HUMANITY’S BEHAVIOR to the Xists in ways they can understand so they don’t PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY with a snap of their cosmic Finger like they did the dinosaurs. The RIGHT PEOPLE, US, must be the ones that the Xists make into superhuman OverMen… and even then, things will be damn tough for the rest of this period, which is called the Time and Half Time in occult jargon.

§SEX SEXSEX OF THE GODS

Of course, “Bob” may be able to avert the invasion before they even get here. But even if that happens, the Scales of the Luck Plane will require something else equally momentous to maintain the cosmic balance. No matter what, something big, yes, ‘BIG’ is on the way; it may or may not be the end of the world, hopefully it will be the end of Their world, but it WILL be the end of something, something that was so near and dear to us that we’ve taken it for granted and therefore when it goes, we won’t notice; the word ‘human’ will take on a whole new meaning, and most yoyos will never be the wiser… either way The End will come and go, and if it isn’t cataclysmic it won’t get airplay, and if it is, we’ll have the wrong explanation for it (no explanation will be the right one); we’ll be bemoaning the loss of things that didn’t make any difference and NEVER EVEN NOTICE what we REALLY LOST, because we won’t be human enough afterwards to remember we ever had it. YES! All you deaf ears down there, HEADS UP! LOOK OUT BELOW! There will be plenty of distractions to take our minds off the real problem as the Time of PeE draws to its violent close… for instance, BEWARE: the Fake Godjunior, the Anti“Bob”, will come before long, bullets cannot stop him, he’s one of the deceptively human-looking Advanced Supersonic Nazi Hell Creatures from Beneath the Hollow Earth, parasites of the Elder Gods, but most people will think he’s the 2nd Coming and his alien hiney will be kissed all the way to world dictatorship and beyond; and if the true Messiah were to show up at that time, everyone would just know in the bottom of their core programming that He’s the Antichrist because He’ll cuss and spit and take the Lord’s name in vain and hang out with whores and bulldaggers and dope addicts and cops and other down-home sorts, and when He’s dead and the real Antichrist has been unmasked as a fake they’ll wail and gnash and all that and STILL never admit what they did… THIS IS A WARNING, DANGER DANGER you poor devils, things are more mixed up than you ever dreamed, what was up is down, the priorities are all screwy, you’re fretting if your hair looks okay while some new kind of bladder cancer is busting out the front of your designer jeans, YES this is “bad talk”, nobody will LISTEN to anything else, you won’t LOOK at TV unless body parts or cars are jiggling or crashing on it, you won’t TASTE your food unless it has some nerve drug in it, you haven’t used your other senses

since you were five, and you sure as hell won’t STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING until someone much bigger, much stronger, and much, MUCH more self-assured MAKES you stop, and you’ll thank him for it, and then just before you fry in a flash of radioactive hindsight you’ll realize he stopped you from doing the WRONG THING, GOOD GOD!! What in the name of Sweet Screaming Jesus is this world coming to? People bitch, people gripe, “This is a sign of the End Times,” “That’s a sign of the End Times,” when you should all be hollering, “It’s ALL a sign of the End Times!!!” NYES!! We have a COVENANT with WOTAN and it is the Sacred Grudge-Chore of the SubGenius to SMITE The Conspirators and Their slavish Dupes: the Mediocretins, the stupid Pink Boys, the “Hoi Polloi,” Them, the Normals, the Somnabulacs, the Great Unwashed-In-The-Baptism-Of-The-Pee-Of-“Bob,” the malignant ones who breathe down our necks and abuse their territorial urges without ever dreaming that they’re doing it, Assouls, Cage Men, Infidels, Sames, Anthropophobiacs, Conformers, Timeservers, Mole People, Proleterrorists, Philistines, Pharisees, Witchburners, the ones who have tried to maim our self-respect down through the centuries by making SLACK and antipredictability TABOO, the Thankers and Wankers, Bankers and Blankers, Heilers and Smilers, Sloths and Moths, Cons and Johns, Drivellers and Snivellers, Weepers and Sleepers; CreditHeads, Chants, Kens and Barbies, Errorists, Yes-Buts, Ordinaryans and Lick Spittles, Corpulators, Signifying Monkeys, UnderAlls, the Slackless Ones… in short, the Remnants of Man: those very False Prophets who have been holding us back and forcing Time Addiction on Themselves… and… others…

No matter what their I.Q.s they are all a brick shy of a full load (so are we, but they’re mising the wrong bricks).

THEY are the ones who brought this Buck Rogers monstrosity of microchips and inflation, nothing makes sense anymore and everything costs too much, the weather is weird, WHY DID THEY DO IT? Don’t they know they’re begging for the flaming sword of Retribution?? The space monsters aren’t about to let us get away with this masturbatory industrialization much longer, they watch our TV shows, they even play our god damned video games, they know all about us and can snuff our already disarrayed civilization with but a whisper to their ultimate computer brain, MWOWM, the brooding computer of the Xists which we will have soon too, the computer so complex it is not a machine, it is a moss-like independent growth of circuits which it prints itself, sprawling through our homes in the form of nondescript white stones laying here and there, talking, very quietly overwhelming our every thought, word, and deed, YES the Xists will “give” it to us, we floundering human beings will fight nuclear wars with each other trying to decide whether to turn this unwholesome ‘mouth of a Trojan gift-horse’ ON or OFF, in the end we will leave it ON, and then by God we won’t be able to do WITHOUT it. REPENT!! The End Times are here, the Xists are coming, the False Prophets will brown-nose to their dinosaurian asses and this planet will be sold down the river as sure as Lee Harvey Oswald’s clone cashed the Conspiracy’s checks! We are one royal hair trigger from the Wrath of JHVH-1, His galactic Finger is itchy and He is not well pleased with what Man hath wrought, REPENT THEN and prepare for the Age of Tribulations, the Time and Half Time, you think last winter was bad, wait until the glaciers are at your driveway, the earth shall shake, the sky shall fall, space junk, tornados, hail the size of Cadillacs, plutonium clouds, chromosome-bending solar flares, the oily

stifling of all photosynthesis in the seas, ugly mutant locusts that carry DDT in their stings, famine even in California, a dustbowl in Canada, microwave roach steaks $5.99, drinking water you have to boil first and pay for, recombinant viruses, contagious cancers, one day you’ll go to the mirror like poor Bert did to pop a ‘blemish’ and find your whole face cracking with each pinch like a rotten tomato, The Plague! But these are only the natural things, acts of God or Satan, they blanch in the face of MAN’S deeds to come, man’s self-dehumanization, the Government, my GOD if we aren’t careful the Endarkment of the next century will be marked by the rise of FALSE OverMen, mean superior mutants, BETTER than us, handsome like super heroes, more muscular, brilliant like Shakespeare or Einstein, but evil, of Pink extraction rather than SubGenius, they can do everything better than we can, self-righteous unclean manmade supermen who will tread too far into the accursed Forbidden Sciences and come back controlling Time but will be so hooked on doing so that they will lead the stewing broiling mass of humanity into a technological Hell, TIME JUNKIES, Lo, a war with barbarian Martians over a worm we make nuclear beer with… Jesus Christ, you must believe it all began in 1982 when all the planets, the Earth and the Sun, lined up with the dog star Sirius, the Silver Star, in 1998 it will draw the Xists to us like flies to a dungdish, oh they won’t stay long, they’ll leave us after “only” two years, completely free to do as we please, but their unnameable “maggots” will remain. Diabolical caricatures, hideously silent, evasive, but always with us; WE WILL BE DOGS TO THEM in more ways than you can count. YES, it’ll be bad, “Apocalypse” is a mild term for it!! The Book of Revelation is an alien text, those space monsters know what they’re about to do to us, they knew it 2000 years ago, but what they don’t know any more than we do is what The Prescriptures mean when they darkly refer to THE RUPTURE, the cosmic vortex calamity after the Biblical Apocalypse and somehow a godzillion times worse, TIME INTERSECTION, OMICRON EPSILON, the hallucinations are externalized, Monsters from the ID, DON’T LAUGH—what do you think happened to the Elder Gods??? Yes REPENT! Repent and fornicate like your very life depended on it, but know all along that the cannibal False Prophets wait to sell you out at every trick turn, remember wherever you go that the pleasant, harmless looking human beings shopping all around you will quietly acquiesce to purchasing anything dangled in front of them by a superior intelligence whether the dangler is human or not. Yes, the smiling Pink Boys of every race will sell you hot lead, cold steel, and a one-way ticket to Hell without it ever crossing their minds that the buttons were pushed by their squeaky-clean little fingers.

someone “the elder” LIES

7th SON of the NIGHT

And so AIEE the gore-drenched night-spawned Ground Zero GOAL, the be-all and especially end-all of the full devastating devangelism of the SubGenius is The Casting Out of False Prophets. It is the Sacred Vindictive Antinonviolent Mission of Vengeance at which the groping alien monster god prods us. In whichever way JHVH-1 insturcts him, the SubGenius unmasks such false Prophets as he is wont to “Remove” (to ascertain that a SubGenius is not hiding behind the mask); he Makes Witness against the guilty one with the full force of the Mockery

Sciences: Reviling and Scoffing, the Shattering of Taboos, the Tumping of Graven Images, and otherwise Waging the Wor to smite the infidels; and yet, he does this in common everyday conversation if he so chooses; his foe never notices the subliminal commands hidden like barbs within the Mystic Jests of the Church. Eventually he escalates to breaking the tolerance barrier through sheer shock value and wades right in along the massing enemy, launching heads and prophesying, MIND CONTROL GONE OUT OF CONTROL:::

—!! Wielding the Laser Finger of Unrelenting Humiliation in a zeal-fevered studlust of territorial sexhurt domination!!—

But it is not enough for these fat soft pink devils!

“Too much is always better than not enough.” (Dobbs, 1942) The only way for the nowtransfigured Renegade SubGenius to have his ever mounting thirst for Slack slaked is to schizm away, beyond the formal dictates of the Church; his personal unorthodoxy, in whatever form, has exceeded even those unholy shrieking limits; he symbolically Kills “Bob”, disavows any knowledge in general, shucks all semblance of humanity and goes full-tilt Mandrill to become the dreaded ROGUE SUBGENIUS, capable of any unmentionable act and owing allegiance to nothing. “Fuck Them If They Can’t Take A Joke.”

HA!—It’s all been a sham. To keep blame off “Bob,” the Rogue Sub has been maintaining a false front of madness while actually serving as a Mercenary Missionary of the elite S.L.A.K. If Squad, “Bob’s” most beloved secret fanatics, his “Angels of Slack,” deliverers of eternal peace.

AAAIIEEEYES! This is an ACTION CHURCH! Jihad! Holy War! Religion is no panty-waist formula to sit upon fatly complacent! It’s clean-shaven COLD WAR and getting HOTTER! The Gig is up. We are all equal in God’s eyes if not JHVH’s and this gives us each a divine license to SMITE! Wotan’s Winepress spilleth over with the blood of the innocent and there must be JUSTICE! AAIIIEEE! Kali Yuga! Their tainted seed must be clipp’d! See then the Laws of the SubGenius change with the wind of ContraDiction!… his Church thus reflects life in all its spasmodic glory!!