CREATIVE TRUTH

“I always lie … and I’m always right.” —Dobbs, 1951 campaign speech

“bulldada the latest exploration into the world of advanced surreavolutionary morealism in which the mind is filled with dirt and lugs which trickle down the sides of the cranium to find shelter and rest inside the now sightless eye-sockets.” —Shredni Chisholm, definition of bulldada

The flexible nature of reality, which has always been known to the ancients and the Attuned, is, ultimately, the SubGenius’ greatest Excuse to LIE.

Dobbs popularized the concept of Critical-Paranoiac Follies Evaluation by which we know that “…any inanity spouted by a SubGenius, at any time, automatically becomes part of orthodox, sanctified SubGenius Church Liturgy.” It is one of our single greatest harsh and severe Tenets, for by its own very token, one can deny it whenever necessary. It is of the Sacred Doctriné of Erasability—it self-cancels upon demand.1

Everything we say is recorded in the cosmic Skor and protected by the Copyright Angels. Therefore, we may disregard our utterances—erase them—if they no longer fit a truth that has changed. We don’t need to store them on Earth any longer. The Conspiracy, on the other hand, tends to “stick by its guns” and stupidly “not go down” even though the problem at hand is obviously “unwhuppable.”

For instance, a guilty SubGenius may speak a Divine Inanity which later proves nonprofitable. He is then perfectly justified in saying, “No, I didn’t say that.” Conspiracy higher-ups do this daily; why can’t we? It is your perogative to deny your mistakes, or to revel in them—to even pull off your pants and roll in them. The inability to lie well can often stand in the way of Truth. And lying is easy. You may not be a good “actor,” but if, like most SubGeniuses, you have 40,000 entities living simultaneously inside your head, with a different one talking every three words or so, you can lie. In fact, you may well have a fantastic future in Sales, which makes lying natural.

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Puzzling Evidence

§YOU CAN DISAPPEAR!

§THERE ARE NO FACTS

Logically, then, nothing that a SubGenius says is any more or less true and consecrable than any other thing he just happens to utter—especially if they are contradictory. The Divine Contradictions of “Bob”—such as the Moveable Dates of Prophecy—are what keep the Church alive and prevent it from entering a manageable state. Thus it remains a red-hot, ever-mutating alien creature that can never be caged or killed.

The SubGenius is an Oxymoron who speaks in slangs and oxymora. so it doesn’t matter what you say or who hears you say it. See? Dobbs denies vehemently that things should ever happen according to preset ‘plans,’ except HIS Plan of course, and tells us to look instead to the flukes and blunders in our own lives for inspiration—for will not JHVH-1 determine our fates at every twist and turn anyway? Can any philosophy other than bulldada preserve us from such impaling facts?

§WHAT IS BULLDADA?

What isn’t? Bulldada is that mysterious quality that impregnates certain ‘ordinary’ things with meaning for the SubGenius no matter how valueless they may appear to The Others. Seeing in the vivisecting light of bulldada, we recognize that the most awe-inspiring artifacts of our civilization are not the revered lame artsy-fartsy pieces of “culture” which the Arts Conspiracy displays in our swankest museums, universities and concert halls, but are instead to be found in such icons as low-budget exploitation movies, lurid comic books, all-nite TV, certain bizarre billboards and pulp-magazine ads, sleazy Paperbacks of the Gods, and literally any other fossils of raw humanity in all its shit-kickingly flawed glory. Bulldada is what falls out of your pocket and is found by amateur archaeologists millions of years in the future.

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Puzzling Evidence

Bulldada is not “dada” nor the sickness remaining after dada has fled. (A surprising number of people do not know what dada is. It is a now-petered-out art movement begun around World War I which attempted to kill art by portraying senseless objects as “Fine Art” of the highest order. Dada failed to kill art because it only made sense to those involved—for its whole idea was to make no sense. It has a small “hip” following today but is as effectively dead as New Wave.)

Bulldada is different in that it does make sense beneath a mere surface sheen vaguely reminiscent of dada. It is “bull” dada, merely displaying dada’s trappings of dreamlike randomness and obnoxiousness, yet actually containing caricatured but blatant “moral meaning.” Bulldada carries a garish and lurid and quite linear structure beneath its disguise of false randomness and formal serioulism. Bulldada is a whore of the mind, praise “Bob,” and NOT ART. It is PROPAGANDA IN ART’S CLOTHING and it’s TOO LATE FOR YOU TO TURN BACK NOW. It not only rapes and kills art, it chops off the fingers of violence itself!! It is situation tragedy; its crude yoks come not from the right thought-pockets, NOR the left. It winks and hides in masks of words and pictures, and mind altering sound, but someday it shall peel its

masks away. Someday we shall ALL peel ALL masks from THEM ALL! Descent into bull-data indicates robot monster panic in year zero. Commence static interference at 0:800. Deploy life terminatrixes. Activate disposal medium. Lob ’em one for the Gipper, boys. Bring ‘er in for mama. Wait … NEGATE! NEGATE! Retaliation/fart-out maneuvers in quadrant six!

Devo attack! Devo Attack! Return to bulldada!

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Puzzling Evidence

The SubGenius is a Monk of Bulldada. He is a product of a Society of Bad Art, a society which is itself “Bad Art.” The ARTIST is the mad sculptor WOTAN. We wear our bulldada like a cloak of invisibility at the shopping centers; it is our shield: we walk untainted among the humans and are mistaken for one of their own. “Ah but as a rolling stone gathers snow so have I begun slow rolling to gather a soft passive exterior concealing a hard inner core, THE CORE OF BULLDADA! Insane leaders are the means to an end. Where is your end, and where the hole in the ground? Are you willing to perjure yourself to attain? Sacrifice. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!” (Shredni Chisholm in The Bulldada Book)

There is INADVERTENT BULLDADA, such as “Leave It To Beaver” and most other religions; it doesn’t know when it’s funny. And then there is ADVERTENT BULLDADA, such as THIS ENTIRE CHURCH: it is real, but it knows it will amuse the gods with its secret humor of the Illiterati and its dignified bathroom morbidity, which is as true and entirely horrible as the world itself, except for the good parts. It is basically hideous, but you want to copulate with it. It brings destructive things that were previously invisible out into the stark light of conflict. Bulldada is eroto-genetic, hereditary, and the most powerful tool known to Man. Dolls in the very far future will mutter, “Bulldada.”

Bulldada shows us that cheesiness tells the truth and gives good Slack, whereas status-mongered slickness is merely a sheen of sham value dangled as bait for the idiot dollars on the hungry bourgeois. The SubGenius isn’t interested in fancy schmancy Learning or even science fiction with its pose of grimness—no, what we crave is greasy SCI-FI. We are scholars of what Frank Zappa called “CHEEPNIS.” For when down the Rungs of the Art Ladder we descend to a certain level of shoestring-budget “Exquisite Badness,” we reach a cut-off point where bulldada begins, an ‘edge’ where the SubGenius starts finding almost religious interpretation of the results of atrocious craftsmanship, the point after which the work’s bulldada increases inversely to its ability to yell a coherent story. The less sophisticated a movie becomes, the more dismemberingly eternal are the truths between the lines. MARS NEEDS WOMEN! GLENN OR GLENDA! Often, they contain inadvertent prophecies—usually linked to unexpected background appearances of “Bob” himself! PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE! DATING DOS AND DON’TS! ZONTAR, THING FROM VENUS! And the greatest Badfilm of all time is SCARLET LOVE, and you haven’t even heard of it!!’

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Puzzling Evidence

§EVERYTHING IS A FACT

Actually, the day that the Pinks and Normally-Boy Critics see beyond the surface of great badfilm and into its bulldada core, its sanctity of inappropriateness, on that day it will no longer be of any use to us. All truly holy objects lose their truth as soon as they are exploited by witless dupes who didn’t see the incredible import of their ubersymbolism until it is slapping them in the face—until their prophecies come true. The pure glory of inanity, the Holy Insipidity, the dreamlike trance state induced by random editing, these today still “bore” the blind Mediocretins—so let us be glad badfilm is doomed to eternal shambling life on the ageless Late Show, forever to be seen only by Those Who Can’t Sleep, or Who Comprehend. There we can continue to examine the films’ peripheral action and characters, to spot the SubGeniuses among the extras, to isolate and study the almost unnoticeable but truly prophetic throw-away lines.

§LAUGH. SEE?

The Pinks will continue to bask in the not-shitty-enoughness of those sad in-between movies, the made-for-TV crap that’s not BAD enough to be great but nowhere near “GOOD”; ironic, isn’t it, that those products we hate most are the most in-demand by Ginks and Gimps? For the mediocre will always outnumber the great and the great-bad; it’s that very half-assed badness that will forever plague us by making our love of badfilm confusing to family and friends. It’s a thin line between the boringly bad and the unrepressedly, unapologetically, PROFOUNDLY BAD, and few can see that line at all. “RECHT und SCHLECHT!” (Right and bad.)

But are we not lucky beyond compare that we have this spiritual gift of discernment, which allows us to glean ACTUAL PROPHECIES from on-screen “explanations” by the scientists of “what the monster is and why it MUST KILL,” which allows us to excavate the HIDDEN TRUTHS from INSIPID DIALOG, to derive COSMIC KNOWLEDGE from FLAWED PROPS and VISIBLY-ZIPPERED MONSTER SUITS with QUIVERING RUBBER TEETH; more than just being movies which “we could do better than,” more than crap-art by crazies for us to snicker at in superiority, badfilm is actually loved by us because in our deepest hearts, we know that THIS IS THE WAY WE TOO WOULD DO THESE FILMS,…who among us has not yearned to take $10 and produce the ULTIMATE BADFILM? But of course to “try” to make a badfilm, to descend to campiness with a deliberate attempt to be consumately BAAD, THIS can only be doomed to failure. For each badfilm gives us a PURE and UNSCISSORED INSIGHT into the very SOUL of a single auteur, one lone man-against-the-world, struggling to get his vision of reality, HOWEVER WARPED, to the screen UNFETTERED by “rational plotting” or “convincing acting” or “the making of sense,” NO, the great badfilm director brings to life HIS staggering mistakes in judgement STRAIGHT from the subconscious, WITHOUT censorship by ‘quality nuts:’ Badfilm slaps us in the face with FLAWED VERSIONS of OURSELVES, ALL THE MORE TRUTHFUL and INTERESTING for their flaws; even if you’ve never really thought of it this way, the fact is you like badfilm because you instinctively “read between the lines” and hear NOT JUST what the actors

are saying so woodenly but also WHAT CAUSED THE SIMPLETON SCRIPTWRITER TO HAVE THE ACTOR SAY THOSE THINGS. You see not just the movie, but all the low-class everythingness that the movie REFLECTS. Beneath the thin veil of the plot the director’s neuroses and all-too-human quirks are BLATANTLY OBVIOUS. Thus badfilm serves us on many levels at once—but levels so widely separated that the prolonged viewing of badfilm (or older bad-shows from TV) actually causes the brain to DISCONNECT, to split into at least two or three separate entities, all of which in the long run serve to FREE US from the stinking MEDIOCRETY of the workaday world, TRANSPORTING US into a dreamlike universe of SHEER UNCONTAMINATED TECHNOFEAR so GAUDY as to actually go BEYOND ART and off into the realms of myth and religion.

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§!INSTANT SLACK!

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Puzzling Evidence

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§MEDIA FOR A NEW FACE

And the very fact that we are “analyzing” badfilm like this, in ITS OWN JARGON, is ONE MORE EXAMPLE of the DECLINE which America is NOW ENTERING for better or worse, and a sign moreover that ‘bad movies’ are already reaching a point of recognition which will threaten to DEFUSE their badness and make them once again JUST MEDIOCRE. THIS my friends is what we must avoid so we strongly suggest that you NOW EAT THIS ARTICLE and forget we ever said anything. Thanks.

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Puzzling Evidence

YES! A sentimental fool who never grew up and who cries over lost ideals, a sinner and a goof-off, the SubGenius is fully capable of receiving authentic god-consciousness from soap operas and monster movies, junkyards and ‘dives’, freakshows and back alleys that most Normals have been programmed to consider ‘dumb.’ What They cannot know is that dumbness—Cheepness—sincere and vital ignorance—reveal far more about the interestingly violent and taboo world around us than any overpriced geegaw that Pincritics have told us is “art” or “science.” FUCK THOSE WHO’D TELL US WHAT’S “GOOD.” A wino mumbling in his vomitus can dribble parables of as soaring a height of bulldada as all the rich, creamy

superstitions of a thousand popes and witch doctors. And if you don’t watch TV, you don’t know what America is all about.

§FORGOT TO DUCK?

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§BOB DOESN’T MAKE SENSE?

The Word is the Weapon of the SubGenius, and bulldada is the Weapon of the Word, but when the Word descends into bulldada, bulldada slides into Morealism.

Morealism is slightly more realistic; it’s the deliberate invocation of bulldada. St. Moe gave his name to it; it is reality according to Moe.

The natural order of things is far too confusing to be accurately depicted using the street laws of Truth. Only the morally modified facts of Morealism can successfully illustrate the awesomeness of the Scheme. LIES are necesssary for truth. The Church as a whole is bulldada. Its printed materials more often verge into Morealism. In them we strive for skim-proof shock value, over embellishment, bludgeon humor and morbid yuks. Thus, like our mentor “Bob,” we are true Wiseacres and orthodox fundadaMentalists. “FUCK ‘EM IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE.”

§COUNTLESS PERSONAL SAVIORS!!!

The SubGenius knows, bulldadaistically, that each SubGenius should do WOTAN’s work exactly as He reveals it to him, and that He has wildly varying messages for different people in different situations.

By the same token, it is madness to accept any one ‘personal savior’—even Dobbs—as a permanent guide. Perhaps “Bob’s” greatest invention is the concept of SHORT DURATION PERSONAL SAVIORS, or “Shordurpersavs” in Tibetan. The true Sub accepts into his heart, as his own personal savior, anyone or anything with which he happens to be impressed at the moment. Shordurpersavs change from hour to hour, from whim to whim. It could be the hero of a movie you just saw, the author of a book, a bottle of Thunderbird, a good pal, a dog, a sex object. Not professional gurus you are locked into believing, but temporary ones according to the need of The Now. They change so fast that it never gets embarrassing; you aren’t inclined to ‘proselytize’ them off on disinterested others who will later laugh at you; you know their effects will wear off in minutes—although the very idea is unthinkable while under the Influence. One need not mention them at all—a superb Tenet, since one is sometimes deeply ashamed for having a particular, unsavory Shordurpersav: some can be Personal Saviors and False Prophets at the same time.

As said before, SLACK is a trickster.

§EVOLUTION OF MATERIAL OBJECTS AND MENTAL CONCEPTS

Things that become High Chic were usually Bulldada first. Any given human-made thing, such as, for inst., blue jeans, goes through several phases of fadualistic evolution: