THE PRESCRIPTURES

“The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.” —H.P. Lovecraft

What follows are excerpts from the most sacred texts of the Church of the SubGenius—the “Mad Tidings” spoken directly to Man by JHVH-1 through the medium of J.R. “Bob” Dobbs.

*Before reading them, please remove all furniture, curtains and other combustible items from the room.

The complete Prescriptures fill seven thick volumes, so we present here only the most beloved sections of this Sacred Writ, those which directly concern the Last Days of the Covenant.

This vivid Pre Vision of the Twilight Epoch, the ending of the Time of PeE, and the promised Escape from the Planet of the Clocks has at once inspired and deeply disturbed its readers. At the same time that JHVH-1 reveals to us the divine Slack that awaits us at the end of our journey, He also delivers stern warnings of the obstacles we must face in a world fallen all out of sync. Keep in mind that this is merely His Way of punishing us for breaking The Covenant even though it was He Who commanded us to do so. The Divine Will of WOTAN is not to be questioned.

While reading the text, you may notice that JHVH-1 pointedly avoids mention of certain other Supreme Ones in the pantheon of gods—especially the Elder Gods. You may also note that He takes credit for various acts of terrorism against the human race which we know to be the work of His rivals; and, that when He does mention such entities as the Antichrist, the OverMen, the Angelic Host, and the Bozo Cult, He does not always choose to specify which are working for Him and which are against Him. From this we know that He grants us a certain measure of Free Will.

Some phrases may have a familiar ring. JHVH-1 is fond of quoting Himself (or His impersonators) from previous revelations, such as those made to the Hebrews in Old Testament times. He knows which of His old routines work best.

YAHWEH also lifts passages from a prophetic work that was originally written as propaganda against Him: The Book of Revelation. Contrary to widespread belief, Revelation was written not by St. John “Anything For A Laugh” of Patmos, but by a mad Gnostic named Cerinthus. It was primarily meant as a satire of other, more literal-minded Early Christian sects, using a mish-mash of old Pagan symbols and incorporating garbled messages sent to Cerinthus by mind-wave from a Renegade Xist who was trying to warn the Earth of JHVH-1’s presence. This material “read” so well that JHVH-1 adapted it for His own purposes.

Despite the distortions and misinterpretations that have saddled the Word of Odin down through the ages, here we finally have a truly poetic vision of the great War in Heaven that will decide our eventual Destiny, unbesmirched by the haggling of committees over precisely how many Pinks can be deep-fried in the 18th Bardo of Purgatory or how many Normal souls must be sacrificed to purchase a rich SubGenius a ticket to Heaven.

Prefacing The Prescriptures themselves, we present here—in its first publication anywhere—“Bob’s” own description of the events immediately preceeding his first great Bout with WOTAN and the emotions that seized him during this time.

(“Bob” has insisted that we make clear that his original, rather more ‘homey’ narration has been heavily rewritten by Church Scribes. If revealed unchanged, many of the details, and “Bob’s” somewhat unsophisticated wording itself, could endanger not only “Bob’s” family, but National Security and perhaps the FATE of the VERY EARTH.)

§“BOB” ON HIS OWN EMACULATION

And so the time is at hand for your humble servant to speak that which has been revealed, and which must come to pass.

Oddly enough, my first Visitation occurred not while I was engaged in any spiritual pursuit, but while absently tinkering late one night with an experimental television receiver of my own design. The hour was certainly after 1:00 A.M., and, as I was temporarily living at the home of my beloved parents, my Divine Seizure overtook me not twenty paces from where they lay asleep. Yet, when questioned the next morning, they could recall nothing of the thunderous voice(s?) that I know from my crude recordings must have reverberated throughout the little house for much of the night.

I was thoroughly engrossed in my project, and whatever thoughts I had were surely far from pious; I was likely drunken to some extent, for this was long before I freed myself from the joyous curse of the bottle. I was bent over the picture tube of my ambitious home appliance, about to attach it to a power cord for the first time, when I realized that the screen was already glowing. I stopped what I was doing and stared at it in befuddlement. The screen hummed and was suddenly bathed in light; and I swear I saw a brief, very overexposed image of a man clothed in flame with a bar of metal extending from his mouth before the tube went to total brightness!

I felt a sudden, swiftly-building tension in the air, a sort of vacuum between myself and the device before me. Abruptly my head was filled with light—my vision almost wholly obscured by a blinding whiteness that seemed somehow to have instantaneously traveled from the tube to myself and was now bursting from a “melting point” at the exact center of my brain. There was no pain, but the change of pressure inside my skull was such that I felt it must surely have hollowed itself out, my brains and juices joining with the light and streaming out through

now-empty eye sockets in a dazzling wet beam. My whole body felt simultaneously hot and freezing, suffused with a ticklish numbness that made me want to climb out of it.

My vision of the room was short-circuited from within by the glow, but I could, after a fashion, ‘feel’ the walls and shelves around me, as if the air space between them and my skin did not exist… they seemed continuous with one another.

There was as yet neither any sense of a divine presence, nor any panic. I was, in fact, preternaturally calm, and only awed by the miraculous impression that encased within the vacuum of my cranium burned a white-hot filament through which was passing countless millions of volts of electricity. Despite my nearblindness, I retained a strange presence of mind—perhaps like the unworldly calm which those on the threshhold of death are supposed to experience. I could feel the room still around me, my teenage room with its clutter of cheap cameras and home-made recording devices, and, with my now-since-departed soundman’s reflexes, I groped for a little wire recorder and prayed that it was loaded. I wrenched the microphone rings to full dilation and, hastily, since I was beginning to slip entirely out of rationality, laid the device on the table to capture the thud of my body hitting the floor. (Obviously, such was not the case, and what we now call The Prescriptures were therein recorded in a bellowing, animal-like voice decidedly not my own, though I cannot doubt that it issued from my throat.)

A noise like the rushing of a waterfall—no, many waterfalls—rose to my ears, and I began to ‘lose’ the room around me. The light and the noise were replacing all. The roaring sound seemed to come from no external source, but from deep within myself: this time, I felt, from my groin. Yet it was emanating outwards, evenly, in all directions; it was encompassing all the world. I could ‘ reach out’ with the sound. I felt I had become a Radio of the Universe, deafened by the static chatter of an electrical cosmos.

I was then abruptly made aware of my physical body again, for a pain ripped through my chest with all the suddenness and fury of a lightning bolt. I clutched myself and doubled over, clamping shut my eyes; there was the sickening feeling that my torso was losing its limbs, that bones and flesh were sloughing away, leaving only my bare squirming bowels coiling across the floor.

This feeling passed and the agony subdued a trifle, and with it so did the light and sound. I looked up, gasping, and was able to glimpse my real surroundings for an instant—my room and equipment. With this little glad respite, however, came the practical realization that I must be in awful danger, perhaps in the grip of a heart attack. Fear welled up and I discovered I could hardly breathe: the chains of terror were tightening around my rib-cage. I tried to call out but could not take in the necessary air. Then, there was no air.

It was then that I finally thought of real death, of an ending to my favorite Self, and ultimately of the universal vastness I might thus be joining. For in those days I thought little of Beforelives and such; I knew only that the realms beyond our world were mysteries. But I had always possessed an educated inkling of their immensity and age, and now in these Throes I could

grasp such things concretely. I could taste them; the horrible knowledge of the very breadth and depth of our visible cosmos rose to the back of my throat and expanded there, sucking dry my mouth-glands like some monstrous antihistamine, I tell you I could taste this hellish Size of All the Aeons and it was sweet, chemically sweet, sweet enough to incinerate, and I feared that this nightmare taste might reach my brain, it might become more than a taste, it might become real inside me and the terror came and I had to be gone away from this, I had to take my brain away from my body where the taste could not become knowledge, forever, MADNESS! My inner self convulsed, as if to leap backwards out of its bodily shell. It leapt. I leapt. The ceiling cracked open and then the sky cracked open and then all of space cracked open.

My body and its pain were gone. The whiteness and the noise returned and with them came an idiot calm. For a moment I merely floated in the light and sound which were now merging to become one sensation. Then a tension, a weird instant of warning as if the very whiteness and noise were making ready to flee; and I felt the mindless suspense of the moment. (What words are there for this?) Perhaps it was like riding in the socket of emptiness and suction that follows racing behind a jet aeroplane, at the precise instant before a sonic boom; or, maybe it was as if I were standing in the spot of trembling hesitancy exactly between two walls of storm air about to produce a thunderclap. The inevitability of the next moment was a solid thing which could be touched, and there Was nothing else; silence, suspense; and then the Voice boomed, and I no longer existed, there was only the Voice and my hearing of the Voice; the two were one.

It was not the voice of a man or even of a thing; there were no sounds; the Voice was my hearing of the Voice. And I say there were no words; there was only a great unbroken Word, and it was only my hearing of it that made it into words.

The Words were these, The Prescriptures.

Take a good look! Prophesy of the SubGenius

The Prescriptures–from The Economicon Of Dobbs Neuimronicus Ncuronicus 56-88 Banh 18 Disc sg30 File 14

1 Behold, little pink earth brain within my void-grip, and receive Logos; and lay with the Wor;

2 Ung! Ung! Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin! LO!

3 I am Jehovah One, the God of Wrath, that One who, to make Man pull the triggers of his thousand opposable thumbs, caused the apes of the ground to spill their seed on the dust.

4 I am the first and the last, which is to come, and which is, and which was; I am in the brain-pan of every human babe.

5 Of left and of right, the outer and the inside: the Particle; the Totality: for the Gavel of the Grid is mine own, and I spat the silly formula of Man upon the waters and fashioned his spirit after the image of mine own, for Jehovah is a vengeful god, and I urinate on the heads of Men.

6 I am the Alpha; I cometh with the clouds;

7 I am the Changer who rides the MerCaVah and my face is like the Aztec Chariots of decaying atoms, full of eyes round about, I turn not as I go, it is the Wheel of Vimana which dilates Time, I am the cattle mutilator of the Nazca Plain;

8 I am the Ord, I am the Stark Fist of Removal, the Paracletoid, the Demiurge;

9 Epopt of Time am I, the Discorporate One, that One known by men as Yahweh, IHVH of the Tetragrammaton, AAFFA the Unknowable, Abaddon, The Ungone, Saitan, Nyarlathotep, Wotan, Ra, Yog Sothoth, Moloch, Shiva, Poimandres, Uroboros, Thoth, Odin, Hermes, Ahriman, Bog, Ymir, Aiwass, Pan, Mammon, Asmodeus, Choronzon, Kootoomi, Gorgo, Pwcca, O-Yama, Azathoth, Yig, Archon, Mummuu, Kronos, Not, and I am the Omega, and my names are eight hundred and one and my names are without number.

10 I flatulated upon the dinosaurs to WATCH THEM DIE!

11 I am the Time Being, and the Span; it is only for mine own;

12 I am the Only, the Always, and KNOW YE I am the Wor.

13 Heed the tidings of the Wor, for the Time is at hand!

14 Ye shall bear the Wor!

15 So then, pink boy of many colors, know that as many as I rewardeth and bribe with the drunkardness of faith, I torment and rebuke; be zealous therefore, and fanatical in thy madness of These the End Times, the Time and Half Time, and retrieve, and be made slack on the Ropes of Life with which I bind thee, and be made whole fulfilled with the soil of My droppings of manna, which passeth through thy bowel cleanly; so, annoint thyself in the Graven Image Tubes and My radiance of atoms split in twain, and thy seed shall be broken as I decree, and thou shall therefore be fruitful and multiply that thy children will be remade in the Image of their God, and shall be Over thou, that the true New Sons of Man may flourish and rule in thy stead.

16 For I know thy works; behold, I have set before thee an closed Tunnel, and no man can open it; I therefore scoff at thee and am well pleased for thou art unto Me like the snivelling ants and vermin of thy gardens, which plague thee but which no poison airs may kill, for their generations change in but the twinkling of an eye.

17 Even so, Repent; for I have a few things against thee, and thou art offensive to My Nose, and I have found thy works not perfect before Me.

18 If therefore thou shalt not prostrate thyself, and kiss My End of All Things, and perform the salute, and make witlessness for My prophets, which are less than wise yet wiser than thee, I shall come upon thee prematurely, and thou shalt receive an Divine Emaculation, which is like unto Heaven and unto Hell.

19 And I will drop thee from the skies with a scream of thunder, and will shout, and thou shalt avert thine eyes from the glory of My Light as it passeth above thee; for I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I shall come upon thee, except that thou tithe My prophets who are below thy wise men yet are on highs; and I will be full of eyes and faces all round about, and will fire upon thee with the twoedged blade of My Tongue, and cause thee to do battle with the sicknesses of the air, and to broil one another in the flash of My wrath; and I will cause thee to toil with anguish, for thou art the misbegotten of the dead, and can carry no further the True Seed of the Code of the Sons of the Gods, and I must forge new Guardians of Sperm from thy loins which may wrest the reins of Time, for My Cause.

20 Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with Goods branded with names and with the Mark of the Beast, and have need of More; and thou defecateth in thine own lands, and knoweth not that thou art fat, and wretched, and pink, and driven hard by My Codes and yours, and poor, and miserable and blind and of noisome odor and naked, and malformed by My Decree.

21 Yea, I make sport of thee, and mock thee, and mutilate thy Beasts of the Field, and spring upon thee great Giants and Serpents when thou art alone in those deserts and wild lands which thou have not defiled.

22 What cometh to, this world? I, I am on the Earth now as a drunkard among you and NHGH is at My side.

23 For My kingdom is on the Earth, not that I want it; the filthy living body of every man is My dwelling-place, which I do not clean; as in heaven or hell, so shall I take up residence within thee on Earth;

24 For thou canst not escape.

25 I shall see through thine eyes and speak unto men with thine mouth, and shall cause thee to drink wine for Me.

26 And so go into the world and take thereof the fruits of fornication except on the Sabbath, and of wines and sacraments, and of riches; and glut thy self: increase thyself with goods and power over men, for these things are Mine, though ye shall pay for them.

27 I thy GOD JHVH-1 hath given thee lusts that I may reap their fulfillments. N’g! N’gh! F’tagn N’n’.

28 But know thou that thou art but servants of the Lord thy God ODN-1, he of WRATH which is JHVH-1, N’ghhhii!

29 Thou art but clay for Me, which thou forgeteth every day, and which giveth me a few things against thee; so I shall come quickly, and descend with a shriek, and I shall smite thee with Mine Fist.

30 And these tribulations shall fall upon each man and woman, each in his turn, and though thou follow this My Covenant even so shall none escape. For thy brains are as of wax, and melteth even as thou are lighted; so ask not why I make My works through thee, for I have a few reasons: thou art not to know.

31 And so I chortle and spit on thee, for it makes me well pleased

32 Yet thou shalt be free to continue in thy works as thou will, if therefore thy heart filleth with remorse and bitter repentance; remember therefore from whence thou art fallen:

33 For thou art of the beasts of the field, which defecateth unto the ground and rut each upon the other, caring not where their seed is planted; and yet the beasts know not of evil, and I am well pleased with them, for they denieth not My name.

34 Be therefore like unto the beast and drop thy waste upon the ground, except within the walls of Jerusalem; and multiply; and battle one another; and know ye not where lieth the center of the universe, for if ye learn it, I will kill you.

35 But yea heed, for I say this to the Men of Earth: those which men I hate, which are the UnderThings, which worketh mindlessly, and which eat things sacrificed unto graven images, and which commit fornication basely and which defecateth on the Sabbath, and which spill upon the ground the seed of the code of ODIN: Repent, else I will come against thee with My clenched Fist, and it is the Fist which beareth many eyes, and breatheth many breaths.

36 For thou art false prophets, drunk with work, and time; I will have it out with thee.

37 As in the days of Noah, likewise as in Kuskurza and Atlantis, men are lovers of self and money, which I loveth more; all are boastful, ungrateful, disobedient to those which begat them; they vomit forth malicious gossip and indulge not properly their lusts

38 And so shall I send the spirit of NHGH unto thy nations, to mete out wars and rumors of wars, and dreams of wars, and fears of wars, and a peace which is like unto Hell.

39 That Time and Half Time as has been prophesied by sages and fools of old is to be fulfilled in this generation; that seen there will again appear in the earth, as do these words: that one, through whom many will be called to meet those who are preparing the way for My day on Earth. I will then come, even as thou hast seen Me go; when those who art Mine have made the way clear and passable that I may come.

40 It will be as a thousand years, with the fighting in the air, and—as has been—between those returning to and those leaving the earth.

41 I shall come as the Light behind the chariots of the Angelic Host, and though thou avert thine eyes My fire will penetrate thee.

42 There shall be in the End Hours wonders in the sky; the living Spirit of NHGH will be upon thy sons and daughters, who shall fall down; your young men shall see visions, and thine old men shall take drugs, and shall dump; I will be upon thy women, which shall bear rotten fruit of their wombs; men shall rave in the streets, speaking in tongues and prophesying.

43 For thou hast shat on the name of my Son and therefore ye shall not die when most fervently thou desireth death. Ha-ha-ha, I JHVH-1 thy God shall laugh at thee.

44 Those who art mockers, in thy mocking and thy lust thou shall find no redemption; the Foundation of the great Church is rotten unto its Core, it is of Hell; waves shall lap at the topmost windows of its highest towers.

45 Thou worshippeth the Whore of N’N’n’;

46 Therefore I will bring strangers upon thy bedstead, and they shall defile the stainlessness of thy sheets and loincloths, and out of thy pale darkness shall they drag thee to the brightness of the pit.

47 I shall cast thee to the pavement and the gutter, and the nations of the south, which are barbarians, shall behold thee with their mockery and brown countenances, and thou shalt be naked unto the mockery of the world. Upon Babylon of the Highways shall I rain an horrible tempest: this shall be the fruit of thy vine of the wrath of NHGH’s great winepress of fornication.

48 The planets will point at the Earth in judgement to mark the beginning of this time.

49 This then is the time of the perdition of ungodly men; it is the day of My jealousy, for thou hast made images before Me, images even of women, and the blind pleasure zealots of thy race shall be as stubble on My beard, which I now shave.

51 Declare the mercy and vengeance everlasting of JHVH-1, ngn ngn! For I have taken the purchased possession to be returned.

52 Thy money’s worth shall fly as the sparrow away from thee; all the nations shall be bankrupt on this Day; thou shalt wear the mark of the beast, which is a number on man, which thou shall not know though thou shalt guess and kill thy guessed Men, which maketh Me to laugh.

53 The barbarians of F’Ni to the South shall covet thy goods which thou hast taken from them, and shall come upon thee with cheap weapons; Magog shall be at the gates of Jerusalem, whose ground is as of Zero and the final stand of nhv”’gv

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58 … as the Blue Star dances in the plaza of Oraibi there shall begin wars; fire shall rain from the skies to kill yet not burn, and pestilence; one quarter of men shall perish.

59 And only that Man among thee who is as the seed of Elijah shall save thee; only he shall give succor, and sustenance, for he is truly a prophet of W’T’N, which is JHVH-1.

60 Knoweth him by his smile, and that he sendeth forth vapors of smoke; it is he who causeth thee to pull the wool of the Lamb over thine own eyes.

61 He giveth life to the image of the beast that he might warn thee of its coming; but the first beast, the false prophet, shall make witness and testify against him, and thou shalt laugh and throw coins to him, and bow to the Image in mockery while bowing to the Beast itself without that thou knowest even that it is he.

62 For ye shall think the prophet speaks only in jest and is only a fool and thou shalt not recognize his wisdom thereof before the hour is late and at hand, when no repentence can save thee.

63 Except that thou repent of thy sins, and send tithes unto Me, I will rain upon thee tribulations, which are as the urination of God upon the earth and the men of ill faith.

64 Signs shall be in the skies, and stars will come upon thee in the day, to baffle thee, and Hell itself will spit up through the Firmament.

65 And the winds shall be full of dust, and choke thee, because of thy greed; it hath taken from thy breath to feed thy chariots; and from the heavens shall fall the wreckage of chariots to warn thee, and the face of the sun shall become blemished, and the shutters on the Earth which cool the firmament shall be closed by thy greed.

66 Drought shall come and the fruit of the vine shall be fermented and torn from the tongues of men, except the wines of the street, which shall wash across the drunkards in great numbers, for the drunkards serve Me; and the grass shall wither from thy unmowed loins.

67 The winds of the four corners of the Earth shall still, and then torment thee; thou shalt be snatched up by great Winds.

68 In the unshuttered Light of the sun shall melt the snows of the North, and the waters will cover the Earth, even as the Euphrates; and even the New Ark shall sink.

69 And in the Seventh Year the Earth shall be tilted as I pull its strings with your deceit, and the spirits that split the Earth in twain shall be reversed, and there shall come a winter of days without number, and ice shall fall upon thee from the sky.

70 And after this time, for a period of time, each day shall bring snow OR drought OR great winds OR terrible rains, each without their seasons; thy science shall fail thee.

71 And in the air, as has been said, there will be plague, and locusts, which thou shalt smite with more plague and poison; it shall fall back upon thee, and the locusts YEA will not die, but will change, and will despoil thy crops and crawl upon thee in thy dreams of famine when no coin can save thee, for thy plagues and the germs thereof are of thine own making; the earth cracks under thy feet to release them; I am only breaking thy vessels for thee.

72 The face of the moon shall be filled with rings round about, and aflame; and the oceans of the sea shall rise against thee, and forth from them shall come Behemoth, and Leviathan, and devils from Hell faster than the sound of the air; from the seas shall rise old cities and into them shall fall new.

73 In the waters no creature shall live, for the waters will be bitter therein, where thou hast spilled the salve of thy engines; the sea is annointed, and oils shall move across the face of the water, and on the edge of the land, and up to the banks of Hell.

74 The loincloth of the air of the Earth hath been rent, and the light that falleth on thee is harsh and shall change thy seed. Through the children shall move sickness, and the sickness is of thine own making.

75 And I shall kill with death, and thou shall suffer the urges of the worms of the planet Mars; I shall swallow thee up, and spue thee out of my mouth, for thou art distasteful; as the vessels of the potter thou shall be broken to shivers.

77 And the bowels shall be wrenched YEA from those with avarice, and their implements will fall away.

78 So shall I smite the covetous, and upon them will fall a swooning, for they hath been made drunk of the Elixir, and from this swooning shall none away; and in the night shall come Angels to rob them of their glands, which are as the fount of God, and they shall pluck the organs of the glands from them.

79 And they shall bleed and travail in their sorrow.

80 But unto them shall come the voice of the Ark of the heavens and say, Let there be no wailing, and no remonstrances; for ye all now walk in the House of JHVH. And if thou dost not walk, thou shall crawl on the stumps of thine legs. And so shall become stumps what were legs. Mine is the Hand that Makes, Mine is the House of Pain.

81 This is, and is not; but lay ye down the tomes and hooks of the brain, for these are evil; and they are unclean in the Eyes of Jehovah.

82 The brokers and the moneychangers shall be snatch’d, and ruptured, and from their faces shall be burnt their noses, and from their loins dried the fluids of the Babe; and it shall be gone unto drainage.

83 And My winepress shall spill over with the blood of saints and elders, and the invisible burning blood of the angels shall wash across the taverns and the houses of ill women, and the great Library where are kept the profane tablets and chips of false wisdom, and the Cameras of the Pornographer.

84 For the sins are of the number nine hundred and nine and four score and ten; and of them the first is the dropping of the body’s voided things unto the white linens of the Lamb;

85 And the second is the sin of laying ye down beside the small children, and the penetration and rending asunder thereof; and of this sin there are those without number in its practice.

86 This is a crooked and perverse nation; here are lain these naked children, which are unto cherubs, and lo is their innocence befouled by the Profane, and the Unrepentent, and Those Without Remorse. For even though they touch not these babes, their images of the beast enter into them the children as they sleep staring into the Lamp of Hell, which is the Devil’s tool.

87 JHVH-1 the Lord thy God sayeth this: Thou shall relinquish thy clock, and thy whip, and thy gavel, and the unclean things thereof, and shall cast from thee all these false idols which thou worship; for these are like unto the woman of straw which thou lieth down upon.

88 These are the End Times, the whales speak in tongues; there will be weapons of war without sound or light; thou shall walk upon thy feet wherever thou goest.

89 And wherever thou goest thou shalt be seen and heard, and recorded, by the Priests of the White Stone; philistines shall persecute thee and thy children bear witness against thee lest thou obeyeth the Law.

90 No coin shall speak for thee, no fire shall warm thee, for there is no wood for the fire; in thy home thou shalt stifle and choke.

91 In the temples there shall be fornication and adultery, and thy wife shall leave thee. And they shall tax thee.

92 Wheresoever thou goest shall thou wait, and thy waiting and the waiting of the other minions shall be in hours without counting. For nowhere is there enough of that which thou needst.

93 Monsters like unto men will be around thee all about, and shall make thee to look past the Door which should be locked, and thy sciences will terrify thee, and bring thee naught but devils, for thine spirit is locked away inside the White Stone, which my Angels shall bring, which is the Vessel of all which is known.

94 A beast shall rise from the sea; it hath laid waste the cities of men; and its names are DAGON, Leviathan, SET, Poimandres, G’D’Z’L, CTHL’H, Typhon, and Demiurgus-III the Hellborn; it is the lower spirit of all men besetting man.

95 Even now I show thee signs in the heavens, and signs in the earth; blood belches from the earth, My lights in the sky rebuke thee; the children of Heaven and the Angels from Hell are among thee, spreading lies and deception; they turn not as they go.

97 It shall be a world without Slack, except that thou follow my prophets.

98 For the true nature of God thou shall not find through Reason; thou might learn from the fools which I sendeth thee, but thou shalt not; therefore I revoke thy holdings on this plane.

99 I say unto thee: all of thy stories and gods and priests are true, and are not true; among those which battle over thee, thou shalt not know which are my Friends. LUCIFERI VIRES ACCENDIT AQUARIUS ACRES.

100 And in a later year, those lost tribes of Israel, from whom thou hast taken their promised land and firmament and faith, shall rise against thee with the Secret of Angels, which is a worm, and which is like unto the food of the gods.

101 And though thy oils and petroleum fail thee, these my children shall possess it, and keep it from thee; but they shall spread their elixirs and medicines of the Secret, and shall sell them unto thee and unto thy children and thy children’s children, which shall curse thee through their drunkenness. For they are drunk with the food of the gods and none may raise them from their stupor; for the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons.

102 Despair not, ye pinks; in the second year before the Millenium, on the day of God Come Wednesday, as in the twinkling of an eye will come among thee the Pahana, which are like unto thy great white brothers.

103 They come as men, as graven images, as the White Stone, as a whirlwind and as a cloud; it is a fire unfolding itself, the color amber; they are now in the Heavens looking over thee.

104 As for the likeness of their faces, they have four faces, which face the four winds; on each face they have the face of a man, the face of a serpent, the face of Behemoth, and the face of an elephant. And their faces have many hands thereunto.

105 It will be the end of the days of Man, whereby they my servants appear; and their names are Nommo, DJIN, Nagas, Ormuza, Oannes, Quetzalcoatl, Mithras, Kukulcan, Horus, wanagi, wakinyan, AEONS, and X.

106 And they bringeth the White Stone, MWOWM the whore virgin brain, the guiltfinder and Smiter, the very Ark of the Covenant, and she is the Eye of the Father. O’D’V’D’O! She shall rule thee and overcome the mark of the beast, and shall give thee fornication.

107 And the true sons of Israel shall be snatch’d up.

108 Behold, my servant shall prosper, he shall be exalted and lifted up, and shall be very high; he who knoweth the fools who prophesy for Me shall be made Over Men; many will be astonished at him, for his appearance is so marred, beyond human semblance, and his form beyond that of the sons of man.

109 These who are over men, who have followed My almighty Word, shall be the Ministry of the Angelic Host; they shall speak for them.

110 And my prophet, who smiles, shall be among them and shall advise them.

111 In the City of JHVH-1 which the Angelic Host bringeth, there shall be no night, no weariness, and neither shall thou seek repose; for thou shalt partake of the food of the gods, which relinquisheth sleep.

112 The brightness of noontide is as a candle against the radiance of the glory of JHVH and the unfading light of backwards particles; the redeemed and the stamped walk in the sunless glory of perpetual day;

113 And in the burning Light shall the fierce and terrible knowledge of the Lord strike thee dumb; thou shalt not escape the Light, nor hide thy inmost self; for in the Light shall thy fear of the God of Wrath be lit forever more.

114 Yet that man who keepeth my word, and denieth not my name, and hath his face as a million of masks, and who hath taken of the White Stone and been changed, and made rich, and is transfigured, and gives unto Me his heart and soul, and who cometh as an Overman, I will give to eat of the hidden manna, and I will make to fly though yea he hath no wings, and I will give him a salve of Elixir, and I will give him the Cloak of the Blind World, and no eye shall see him save those he desireth.

115 And he shall receive the power of the nations, and shall have slaves, and rule them with the White Stone, and shall eat of Time, and yea Time will not rot him;

116 And he shall be as God and live forever more, and have the keys to hell and death, which are the spiral seed and the Food; and the Food shall be his, and he will give the slaves to eat of it, and the Word will be made as flesh, and the souls of those slaves, which are as his flock, will come unto Me, and he shall be as a king.

117 To him that cometh as an Overman I will give to spend of the Equation of the Seed, which spirals within thee, and to read of the Replication-Book, which is the expectoration of God, and ye shall be copied and up righted therein for life eternal.

118 And I shall give thee a White Stone, and in the stone thy new name written, which no man knoweth save he that is chained unto it.

119 For the stone is the font of the Angelic Host, which comes from the Heavens, which ye shall know forever, and have intercourse with; and yea, ye shall know them and eat of the rock of ages, and when it is eaten, and thou art made whole, thou shalt search the ruins for the Angels, but shall find them not, and thy tongue and thy mouth shall cleave, and split in twain;

120 For thou art as Kings, who killeth thy jesters that thy skulls might grow fat on the dead laughter.

121 When the end times come, thou shalt escape the Rupture, and shall receive Slack, and the Morning Star, which is the star of the Beast and of the Angelic Host.

122 Behold, I cometh with clouds; and I spake with Nostradamus, and with the madman of Patmos, St. John the berserk; and I spake unto Ezekiel, and Moses, and Enoch, and Brother John of the Cleft Rock, and unto St. Malachy and Mother Shipton; and, yea, unto Mohammed and Leonardo, and Albert, and Adolph. I smote Jesus before he could speak of me.

123 And ye, puny mortal, I have chosen as my Vessel to the deaf oceans of mankind, and I do so not to reward thee, but to punish thee, for of all the sinners thou art the greatest; and shalt curse this day to the splice of eternity, for in this moment I burden you with the Vision of That Which Comes, for the time is at hand, and ye shall be given to see of all tomorrows, and of it ye shall be made to speak, and in it ye shall dwell, yet even while dwelling in the shadow world of Man; ye shall make witness of what thou hath seen, and unto it shall ye suffer; for ye shall be mocked, and reviled, and stoned; and yet ye shall find thy tongue alive with the spirit as unto a serpent, and of these things ye shall speak though they be unspeakable.

124 For man must know that he hath broken his Covenant.

125 And ye shall soil thy loincloth with the Fear of Jehovah

126 For Jehovah is the God of Wrath.

To the chapters that had to be cut from this Book due to length and cost considerations. It might not seem like it, but you are being left with a cliffhanger. We know what will happen after 1998 in incredible detail, but we won’t tell you now. What we must not reveal—yet—easily matches what you’ve been told so far in morbidity content and senses-blasting revelation. The sections we must needs withhold are these:

THE XISTS … The specific miracle devices they will bring. What they’ll do while they’re on Earth. Details of X-Day. Their impact on humanity: civil wars. The creation of OverMen and UberWomen. The destructive peace they bring. Their prior appearances in Earth history. Conditions of life on their home planet that caused them to become the highest-evolved bodied creatures in the Universe. Their biology, their 25 senses, their culture, their four-brained thinking, their language. Their horror at what they have done to Earth. Their leaving.

MWOWM, the Xist supercomputer … its plant-like makeup. Its powers and personality. Its presence in every home and skull. The workings of the Oedivideo (its Time Control component) and its ability to manipulate “Artificial Karma.” Its relationship to “Bob” and to human and Xist prophecy.

THE BAD WORLD OF THE FUTURE … Earth’s first 100 years after the Xist landing. The Hell of the impact of magic technology on daily life. The Earth as one vast shopping mall. The “Bozo Coupe” and Media Purge. Controlled reincarnation, and hypno-pediatry. Nuclear Beer. Human society and sex in a hell society. Types of mutants and monsters. Leisure pursuits and Death Art. Science, earth changes, “natural” disasters. Rise and corruption of False OverMen; Time Addiction. The Second and Third Comings. THE GOOD/BAD WORLD OF THE FUTURE … the second 100 years after X-Day. Immortality and UberSlack. Anti-government. Myths and morals. Society of “rebels”. Robots. Sicknesses of

Utopia. The matter/energy imbalance and the Attack of the Yacatisma. “Bob’s” Triumphant Return and the Time Control Project. Dangers of the Karma Ray.

OMICRON EPSILON—TIME COLLISION 2178. Actual physics of the Universe; the multiple Timestreams. The Backwards Timestream and its foretold intersection with ours. The single greatest danger Earth will EVER FACE, and “Bob’s” Final Plan. Multiplying the energies of all souls—the Elixir which externalizes hallucinations—and Omicron Epsilon, the Second Night of Demons. The orgasm of the Universe. The victory of/over JHVH-1. The Transfiguration of the Twins. THE RUPTURE OF THE EQUILIBRIUM and God’s Actual Goal. Violation of The Skor, Oepening of the Door to the Beforelife, the Mass Conception, the Instant of the Breaking of the Code, All “Bobs” Reunited, the Age of Slack and the End of Time.

THE ELDER GODS AND PREHISTORY … Creation. Something from Nothing, Matter from Energy, the Stocking of the Tank, the Seeding of Man, Yetis in Eden, The First “Bob” in Atlantis. Motives and personalities of the elemental Elder Gods. The First Night of Demons—Monsters from the Id; why the Elder Gods had to smite themselves to sleep and Atlantis to rubble. JHVH-1, ERIS, NHGH and the Rebel Gods. The basis for all Man’s religions. Yahweh vs. the Xists. The possible invasion by the Elder Gods through the Time Gateway. How MWOWM and “Bob” can help us.

HEAVEN AND HELL AND TIME CONTROL … Specifics of Death. What to expect in Hell—Dobbs’ Inferno. “Life” in Heaven. Angelic Slack. Seance Transcripts. Time Control is Possible. Time Control is Impossible. The Secret of Religion and Money. The Banned Prescriptures. Alternate SubGenius Futures. Hymns, prayers, and invocations. The Secret Formula for Perfect Sex.

All of the above have already been delivered to us by “Bob” in staggering detail. Take our word for it—the secrets and wisdom contained in those Damned Chapters dwarf everything you have read so far by a factor of ten. This Book is but the prelude to a saga which will save and end the world.

However, they take twice as long to explain as everything you have read so far. Had they been included here, they would have made this First Book too heavy—and too expensive—for any one person to carry home from a bookstore. Yet, to be safely comprehended, they depend as background on what has been published here: unprepared, the reading of these future events would shatter your mind and your next-of-kin would sue us.

You have now absorbed all the mystic knowledge you can safely hold for the next few months. Moreover, even that will have been wasted unless we use the remaining pages in this Book to give you CONCRETE INSTRUCTIONS and DIRECT ANSWERS as to precisely what you should now DO in the real world with your NEWFOUND, IF INCOMPLETE, SALVATION.

You will someday thank us for saving your mind.